What I Did

My holiday consisted mostly of cookies :/

I’m slightly festive deficient and don’t think there’s been much mention of Christmas ‘round here, if any. Hold on tight, this is the picture heavy post I mentioned a few days ago and it’s ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS! Christmas Eve, north Texas had a wild snow storm! Well, if you wan to get technical, it was pretty weak, but wild by Texas standards. I, Stephanie, lay on the near the fire place, dozing on and off, feeling sickly and watching a marathon of The First 48. I had a number of crumpled tissues in my vicinity. It was an ugly sight. Things went for cold, boring and uncomfortable to pure excitment because silly me temporarily forgot about Novelista Barista's Secret Santa Swap & my present arrived!!

My santa was the generous lady behind StutteringShell.com, Michelle, and let me tell you, she knows how to pick out some gifts! Thank you :D

Christmas morning, Mom woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm was set to strike. I was annoyed, but quickly reminded myself Mom has no little excited babies, plus the Mom’s spent their hard earned cash; I got up and moseyed towards the Christmas tree. Our first falsie ever by the way.

Next up was a 15 minute power nap before my grand exit with ExB. I got to see ICE! at Gaylord Texan. Oh, it is beautiful, so, so beautiful, wondrous, magical, A+ excellent. We also had a great buffet breakfast at the Riverwalk Café located inside of this monster hotel *sigh*

Gaylord Texan- ICE! from Steph on Vimeo.

My Favorite.

This post is rather simple, but let me explain...

I got a message from one of the dating cites & decided to copy and paste it into my collection for potential future usage. Look:

(subject)MAY I SAY
Your the beauty in beautiful,when a man dreams of a woman,it's your face that he see's.......

Later, I read this guy's profile. That's it...he's flippin' awesome! No, not awesome like the 60 year old man posing for pics by flexing his muscles whole holding a sign which reads "Arnold". Yes, as in Schwarzenegger- no joke, y'all. But awesome as in legitimately funny. Of course he's all wrong :D Nonetheless, read this and tell me you don't smile!?

about me:Who like's doing this dating and looking thing, but we have to do, what we have to do, so maybe it will not be all that painful, maybe the right woman will just look over my page and I have to tell you, it's the page with the not so good looking picture's of me I hate taking picture's and I'm a big brother who stands 6 feet 5 and I do workout and I'm a ex-Marine ,but on camera I'm like huge!!!!! "there's that word we men like to use, lol" but maybe the woman who loves a big strong and loving real man, will just help get me off this site and into a loving relationship.

I love being creative and some what different, never have been to one, but would like to try maybe going to a wine tasting or taking a trip out of the county and not doing the tourists thing, but taking the off road path and seeing what other's have not seen or how about driving down the street on a rainy night, pulling over in front of a park and taking our clothes off and running around the park butt naked!!!!! ohh wait, not trying to get locked up, lol and yes I like playing around and joking around, so don't run away, just kidding, but I do like being creative in a good way.

So here we go!!! help make this not so painful ladies I'm looking for a sweet and oh so loving lady, one who comes with a room full of love, for the right man and a woman who knows a good man when she's meet's one, please don't come at me with mind games, only games I enjoy would be a good game of cards, you don't have to cook all that well I do love cooking myself, just come in the kitchen with me and keep me company, do you like holding hands? well so do I. like seeing your one and only? well I miss you already, remember sometimes just what your looking for, is right there in front of your beautiful face and with my size how could you miss me, lol

Ok let me get off of here, have to get dressed, after all I have to pick you up for our first date, stop reading and get dressed!!!!I'm on my way. E.

See earlier today, a friend said I was making fun of males and that's so not true. I'm more or less having a good laugh at myself and my inability to rope one... a suitable suitor though, not just any old random. I honestly think this guy is sincere, although silly. I thoroughly enjoy his profile and instead of ignoring his message I may kindly respond however making it very clear I have no interest what so ever. Maybe I should refer him to blogger.com while I'm at it!

Thanks for reading guys
I'm going to get to you shortly if I haven't already :)

Oh crap, one last thing! I forgot to add this little jewel also found in his profile:

my education:Self made Millionaire...........ok, about this millionaire part......how about SELF MADE DOLLARAIRE

You're smiling, arent you?

Fe2 + O2 = Fe2O3 + heat FAIL!

To answer a question unanimously asked, yes, things really are as bleak as they appear. Clearly there hasn’t been any sort of substantial connection, this is all honesty; copied and pasted for your delight.

Now granted, there have been a few slight sparks I saved for myself and calling them sparks is by far a stretch, but I was holding out hope :/ Gosh, what’s smaller than a spark? Perhaps I can refer to these smaller than sparks as random pieces of flint happening into my lap without a piece of steel to get things sparking? Oh, for the love of science and survival skill!

So yeah, there was a date and again, this whole date thing is a stretch. The sap was late and had the nerve to show up with a friend. I had just finished quickly gulping a pineapple drink, signed my drink receipt and was about to hit the pavement when this lad shows up. (and, Lad is what I shall refer to him as since he reminded of just that, a boy)

*Side note: Remember Barf Boy wanted me to meet up with him and his friend? Is this some sort of trend I’m unfamiliar with? Aren’t we adults? Can adults not meet and hang out without a friend in tow? I hate dating and the very idea of it!
To my surprise, bringing the friend along was a great idea considering the friend was full of spunk and conversation, just like I like. On the other hand, friend is married and yuck on that!

Lad, although easy on the eyes, fell flat on the ears since he wasn’t much of a talker. He repeatedly told me I was much hotter than he imagined and 10 times skinnier. These two statements were on repeat. Yes, I'm cute and yes, I'm on the smaller side...I think most women want to hear this, but when it's all you ever hear it's not much of a compliment. I’d like to think I have the teeniest of tiniest bit of substance worth some sort of acknowledgement. Ugh.

All in all, I don't see this going anywhere worth mentioning.

Curly Toes

Alright, better get back to it.

Gosh, my head is empty.

I received a few more colorful messages during my holiday break. Let’s dissect these bad boys together, shall we? And then, surely my brain will be stimulated enough to think of what else to ramble about.

Dec. 23, 2009 – 7:51pm

hey girl!!!! i have a very cute friend that I am trying to find a cool girl for. he is very outgoing and very fun to be around. he is 34, 6'1" 210 short brown hair and blue eyes. if you might be interested feel free to ask anything that you would want to know and i will do my best to answer it for you!!! i will tell you that my friend is a great guy...probably the best guy i have ever met. he has no problem meeting girls he just keeps meeting girls that want to play games and lie. he isnt like that and wont put up with it. he is very honest and upfront with everyone and wants someone that is the same way. if you want to talk to a great guy that is very cute let me know...i can promise you now you wont be disappointed!!! Okay, I'm not going to even try to touch this one...Ill let y'all take care of it.

wow, you're on fire !
You're off the hook, hot ! Hi, my name is Momma's Boy....you sound like you're looking for the same things as me... Just what am I looking for? At 42, you’re too old anyway and this statement is a question?

…I'm 6'5'', 6'9'' with hair, blonde, blue eyed, muscular, affectionate, and curly toed...I grew up on the beach in Miami...went to college in NY...moved all over the place working my way up the markets...I'm a tv sportscaster...I can send photos...I just can't post them... A 6’5” dude is pretty fucking big, a 6’9” dude is freakishly tall, which is it man? And, just what do you mean by “curly toed”? At 6’9” with curly toes, baby, you’re painting a bad, bad picture.

I'm fun...like you, workout nut...when I'm not in the gym, ... I'm on the golf course...no baggage...never been married... will definately make you laugh...! How 'bout lunch ? golf ?? dinner ? starbucks ? Rangers Game...workout together ?? Bah, no.

you're incredibly beautiful, sexy, and intriquing...I would love to learn more about you...... WoW...great pics...are you sure you're not a model on the side... my Mom (works for Barbizon) could get you work ! Really, your mom?Oh Lord, give me a break.

Momma's Boy of Happy Valley Ranch !

Steph of Happy Hurst! (Really, what's happy about it?)

question.

are we total dorks/losers because we are on a dating website on christmas eve?

unfortunately, i think the answer is a big fat YES :-)

merry christmas stephanie.

this is depressing!!! Okie

Speak for yourself, Okie.

Forgive the lack of material, things have been slow around here. I've had to cut the meat and potatoes of any decent post because I managed to lose the battery charger for my digital cam. We've got a photo heavy post just 'round the corner...get your eyes rested and see you soon!

P.S.
Someone may have had a date... ;)

Lowered Expectations?

I had to find/add this vid after reading (funny)Arnetta's comment on the previous post, The Tale of Tea Bag:

Serious, guys, I'm beginning to think the 2nd site I signed up for is some sort of sex site. This evening, I got yet another request for some boo-tay from another picture -less, married, forty year old.

I don't have the patience to ride this one out. Between the outright weirdos and wife cheating sex fiends, I just don't have it in me. LOL Must be slim pickin's during the holiday season- that's what I'm going to tell myself- Remember, keeping the faith?

Okay, so instead of posting another married dude's pathetic quest for poon, you can read this little gem that came my way this afternoon:

In short, I was just strolling through BLAHBLAHBLAH basically minding my own business, when i slipped on those stairs - tumbled down, i grabbed a tablecloth for some reason pulling hummus and tortilla soup down upon me.. I looked up from my embarrassing position, wiping soup from my eyes - and there was this smiling profile picture looking back at me. Above the picture it said: ohmysteph. And I thought to myself - wow this is fortunate, this young lady seems awesome... But what should i write to her...My name is ********.How are you today?

After a smidge of self reflection, Mr. Rico Suave recanted his statement in another message sent roughly 3 hours later:

dangit that sounded kinda lame-o huh?I try and invent these literary non-sequitors when i really want to grab a gal's attention. A good strategy perhaps - but high probability to fall flat.. When I went back and reread this one in particular i'm not liking the way it sits on the ears... Anyhow..

I'm calling it quits for a while. I know I'm getting worn out....don't wanna bore y'all to death with my sad bunch of unsuitable suitors.

Stephanie

The Tale of Tea Bag

Hey friendlies!

There’s kinda been a lag on info to share. We can thank the holidays for this. I got some kind of cold/allergy thing, Friday, while at work, which totally ruined my mojo and caused me to spend yet another weekend in bed instead of the dance floor.

Unbeknownst to most, this thing that struck Friday caused me to fall behind on my training. Secrets out; Steph has been running. See one day not so long ago, I said to myself, “Steph, what’s done is done. Times have been rocky, but get yo shit together” and that’s just what I did. I’d been diligently working on one of my new goals and POOF! I fell ill.

Enough rambling already. I have to take it easy on y’all because I don’t have a lot to say, but somebody else does…Prep your eyeballs!

Monday morning, still feeling shitty with a throbbing headache, I called in sick. Upon my second waking, I opened my e-mail. Oh shizzle, let me back up! I joined another site to compare and contrast this whole online thing. Alright, I get a message from a newbie on the new site. See, I take y’all's recommendations. I will call this one Tea Bag.

Like a total flippin’ moron in the heat of the disgusting moment, I deleted his message. Fiddle sticks! Either way, the profile is nearly a carbon copy of what ol' Tea Bag sent. His message included several points of contact, which I wouldn’t include anyway because even if I don’t agree with certain folks, I do respect privacy. Here goes....

Please take time to read this carefully -

Hey there! I'm a Mechanical Engineer originally from England, (you'll love my accent ;o) lol), enjoying what I have but looking for more. I currently run a manufacturing facility on the border of Irving and North Dallas, my second job in my life, read steady and conservative here - at least on the outside :o)

I'm 45 (that scares me lol !!!) but far from giving up on life - inside im still a horny, fun 19yo college guy, and still attracted by piercings and/or tattoos, though thats not a prerequisite lol, just reminds me of my college years in Europe.

I'm your typical married/waking up alone, husband (read separate bedrooms over 10 years now). My wife and I are no longer in love, but we both have needs, too. We both have had our separate lovers over the years, (and have not slept with each other in 10 years) and I'm looking to replace my partner and bring pleasure for all parties concerned. We are not swingers or anything like that - simply like brother and sister living under the same roof - dont argue so it's still a good enviroment to raise kids.

I have had 3 girlfriends in the passed 8 or 9 years, so I am in no way simply "playing the field", just currently without and looking. I want both parties to understand where we stand, and I'm not going to immediately leave my wife and kids, no matter how much I'm taken with you. That said, it doesn't mean that staring a new life with you in the future if we fall in love is out of the question - just in the future.I will try to leave you feeling that you cant wait to meet me again :o)

Pics are readily available to swap once we have contact ;o)

OMG YOU FLIPPIN' WON! Revolution Garden Give-Away

My friends, our time has come to an end.

I must announce the winner of that super sassy hair pin made by my gal, Sally, at Revolution Garden!

The trendy and stylish duo, Sally & Katie, who are Revolution Garden, run an adorably posh Etsy shop selling beautifully crafted accessories, décor, party supplies, artwork, masks and more. They’re crafty as all heck and accept custom orders!

See what I mean: Without further ado, the winner is a very sweet, cute, creative lady from my home state, Lille of WoodstockLily.com!!! Alright Lille, get ready to pin this feathery fun on your head :D

In true 50 Cent fashion al la In da Club, lets give Lille a big ol'

Go, go, go, go

Go, go, go shawty

It's your birthday

We gon' party like it's yo birthday

We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday

And you know we don't give a fudge It's not your birthday!

Onto my next give-away item! Those of you that have been following me know this is one of my favorite thrift store finds. It's such an oddity, I feel the jar is something that must be passed on to creats quizzical looks and hearty laughs.

Maxie from ihatesomuch.com, you win! Ja-Ja-JACKPOT!! And let me tell y'all Maxie does a damn fine Lady GaGa...in fact Lady GaGa ain't got shit on Maxie and her blogger face! I also believe she was my 20sb Secret Santa from last year <3

Thank you for entering. I wish I could give you all something :/

Rambling Update

Barf Boy has gone by the wayside. I’ve been chatting up another interesting character I shall dub Kosh.

See, Barf Boy would only communicate via text, until the night he was in my area visiting a friend of his and decided he was ready to have an impromptu hang out or something with moi. Shea right!

Although I enjoyed our banter by way of text, in my opinion, the situation grew shady. Yes, we’re in the age of technology, but sheesh, call a sista, chat her up and what not. Don’t all of a sudden ring her up a random evening and expect her to head out to meet you, a stranger, and your boy at God knows where. The end.
Ok, ok, onto my latest victim, Kosh. We actually spoke on the phone after sharing some fun emails. Again, I probably divulged a little too much, but I think it’s best I let a person know what they’re getting their self into, right?

"I don’t talk about Jesus or politics. I voted for Obama, but it was for superficial reasons I’m not ashamed to admit. I’ve been known to hit up the local Wal-Mart on a Friday night only to gorge on a dozen cupcakes, alone, in front of a television set. So, that kinda talking I can do."

"I'm kind of a ham at times...an attention whore if you will, minus the drama and actual whore-ishness that comes with being an actual whore."

.....Moving along

I've always heard the saying "on paper" thus decided to see just how Kosh & I look "on paper". Peep this :

I've got to admit we look pretty good together! Problem is, I think this is more of a friend connection than a potential love connection. I can be a tad eccentric, but I think he surpasses me by far. Either way, Kosh seems receptive to a friendship and isn't necessarily looking for the love of his life; for him, a friendship will suffice. See evidence below:

"Idk...I don't date a lot in Dallas (I spend a lot of time in NYC too when I fly in to do some little opening shows and such) but I find I don't have a lot in common with Dallas ladies for whatever reason. And by 'whatever reason' i mean they all seem to be kinda right-wingy Christian-right Obama hating stiff lipped douchebag broads who want their dudes driving Hummers and wearing Tag Huer watches (I still don't know how to properly pronounce that watch name!)"

I look forward to "go dick around sometime and cause some trouble!", as he put it. I imagine he'd be a great dance partner. Y'all know I love to get jiggy wit it..na na na na na ;)

Find the Red Flags!

Feast your eyes on these snippets from the online dating site I recently joined..Bear in mind, these are the gentlemens' first impression!

NO GAMES! I am a professional African-American MAN (certainly not on the fence, not "metro" or "homo" sexual. I am not consumed by material things, however, I do have a shoe fetish and love nice suits... Is this a possible "homo"phobe or is he just a real "man's man"? And, a shoe fetish *puh-lease, brother.

Throwing it all out, no secrets - married twice, divorced twice. 3 beautiful kids, I have a 9 yr old son and 15 year old daughter from my 1st marriage. I have a soon to be 3 yr old son from my las... Glad that 2nd divorce came through, guy!

Continued favorite things: Levi's 569 Loose Fit Jeans 32x34 (I buy them like they're going out of style, which as far as I'm concerned, never will, I love bidding for them on Ebay, so don't be poachin...Um, seriously?

WELL, SOMEONE WHO ISN'T ON PAROLE FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER, SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T TAKE VALIUM LIKE IT'S A PEZ DISPENSER, AND SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A 'SOONER'! I MEAN, YUK!! In closing, I like someone who kno...The dating pool has just thinned significantly.

Yes, I'm single and Yes, I'm looking. I worship romance and seduction, I can be extremely flirtatious and know how to please, excite and tease. I'm a lover that is a harmonious soul who adores love, I'm also a worshiper of romance & seduction, but I'm gonna sit this one out.

Behold my future:

Keeping the faith I'll one day be someones LaFawnda,
Steph

The Pawn

I’m still at it; scrolling through a sea of duds in the online dating world. Alas, is there an end in sight? An early exit? Time to call it quits?

Nope, haven’t roped one yet.

On the other hand, Ma snagged one for me; a tire changing fella covered in black, greasy smudge by the name of JJ.

I don’t know what she said to talk me up, but claims this phone number transaction was, “based on me; my looks and charming personality”. -This must be where my spurts egotism comes from.

Not only did the old gal try to hook me up with the tire changer, he was also given a glimpse of me via camera phone picture: This is utterly horrible. Not only can I not get a tire changed in the entire vicinity of H.E.B, I can’t shop at Albertson’s, nor can I enter a gas station, for she tries to match make me with these randoms. Mother, I am not a pawn in your grocery store chicken dinner, ham slicing, cigarette buying, tire changing world.

What's New? Nothing.

I noticed how lame things have been around here; a real fucking ghost town, guys. Why hasn’t anyone said something? Ok, ok, I shouldn’t blame y’all, I should take full responsibility for my lack of interesting posts, but not much has been happening. At least nothing happening I wish to relive. The nail salon that doesn’t take credit cards, but doesn’t bother to tell you until you’re already “did”, the discussion of Ambien sex and blow jobs with my two moms (why did I even bother to divulge this information?), saying goodbye to my little grade 1 puppies who harass me about my marital status...I mean really, nothing blog worthy. Plus, my weekend was sort of a bust; no fodder there.

Subsequently, through much suggestion from others and a little hesitation on my part, I joined a dating website. GOD, HELP ME! Now, I’ve relegated myself to searching through horribly executed member profiles chock full of misspelling of words such as “intertaining” and a number of dreadfully selected photographs. The cheesiest being of topless men, bathroom mirror self portraits and the ultimately uber creepy “I’m gonna take a lonely, low grade photo of myself in my bedroom with this here web cam” photos that scream, “psycho killer!”

I have no special expectations. I figure I’ll just wait and see what comes of this new undertaking. I’m not much of a dater and feel mostly socially unacceptable. For example, here is a snippet of a text session from yesterday afternoon:

Internet @ 3:57- “Cupcakes. Milkshakes. Someone’s got a sweet tooth. How do u stay so skinny?”

Steph @ 3:57- “I barf.”

Steph @ 3:58- “I get it from my dad’s side.”

Steph @ 4:01“My dad’s side is thin, not bulimic.”

I was joking, right, but what in the world would cause me to say such a thing to a virtual stranger who is completely unaware of my sense of humor? I’m a lousy flirt; lack charisma, just out right goofy and bizarre. Otherwise, when I’m not making an ass of myself, I clam up, lack all personality and refuse to divulge any information out of fear of my socially unacceptable behavioral patterns, which also doesn’t put me in a good light. I’m doomed. I need to find a good middle ground.

See, I wondered how I manage to attract a plethora of freaks and weirdos, but I now realize it’s entirely my fault. Although I see myself as cute as all heck and fun, I think the Stephanie Vibrations say something else, go from one extreme to the other; spaztastic chat machine or standoffish. So yeah, when I go out and get crunknificent on the dance floor and then wonder why I have an odd bespectacled man following me around the club with a flower he’s fashioned out of a drink napkin I have no one to blame but myself. When I got out and rarely get a second glance while I’m huddled in a corner somewhere, also my fault. I need a self help book, a special sort of companion…something, Lord, please anything!

Fortunately, like I said, my expectations aren’t high. It’s not like I’m trying to get hitched. Hell, I don’t even know what my motives are. A friendship will suffice.

PS
Get your shit together
& enter my give-away.
All you have to do is
scroll down!

It's Almost Goodbye For Us, Weekend :/

As you know, I'm all moved in, still mostly packed-up, uni is out and after nesting alone last weekend, I'm getting back into the swing of things.

Friday was a long, long day spent with 18 kids, meeting up with Sally, the maker of the Revolution Garden give-away prize, and then onto a get together to celebrate the growing of a little baby inside her momma's tummy, a wedding, a no longer broken arm and the departure of chicken pox.

I had a nice time and am thankful for the parents who put this night together. I had to call it quits after 2 hours to make it to another engagement, but was pooped by the time I finally made it home. I slept. Running since 7AM, a day full of buzz followed by a night of wine and jump rope will really put a girl down. I desperately tried to get my mojo back Saturday, alas it waned as the day progressed. Visiting Pour House in Fort Worth didn't provide the jump start longed for. Hot and handsome hunks few and far between with minimal room for dance, I stayed glued to my chair.

On the upside, it's always great to have pineapple drinks and get crunknificent with your homies.

Wishing everyone a WONDERFUL week,

Stephanie :D

It's Official!

I claimed Sunday a holy day and therefore my sexual days of the week were to cease, however, my brother decided he would call this day, “Sexting Sunday”. In the spirit of this newly proclaimed day, sext away! I’m gonna sit this one out y’all.

I found some great sexting acronyms at esarcasm.com, to help such as:

MPICIMFP
my penis is caught in my flip phone
PIB-STV
phone in butt – set to vibrate
HWHGFSL
Hit wrong hole; girlfriend still limping
BJ2NITE
I find the study of early American history utterly fascinating, don’t you?

I unknowingly used a sexting acronym not so long ago- I thought asking, “do you fb?” was completely self explanatory. Thus, my one and only sexting experience was a wash. I was just trying to find out if someone had a Facebook.

Revolution Garden Give-Away!

I’ve entered give-away after give-away only to win…nothing, but hey, that’s part of the fun. I’m no sore loser, plus it’s kinda like a lotto ticket, right!?

So, join in the fun, take a gamble and enter my give-away!

I spent time with a talented friend, Sally, who sells the cutest of cute vintage-inspired handmade accessories from hair pins to home accents, party supplies and decor, original artwork, jewelry, and more with her painting pal, Katie via their Etsy shop, Revolution Garden.

In the midst of catching up on girl talk, we discussed what would be given away. Here’s what we came up with:

Turquoise is such a hot, versatile color, especially in this dreary, cold weather. You’re gonna look sassy at a holiday party (or anywhere for that matter!) with this bad boy clipped to your head!

If a hair pin isn’t for you, that’s fine. I understand! You can also enter to win the infamous “Pizza Farts” jar mentioned at my former blogging locale. You can enter to win both items.

To enter, leave a comment specifying which item you'd like to win, check out the girls' work @ Revolution Garden, and spread the word- *ahem*we all love our pages being linked :D


**give-away ends Friday, 12-19-09**

Revolution Garden's Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/Precious?ref=nf&v=box_3#/RevolutionGarden?v=wall&ref=ts

Fa-fa-freezing!

I made myself a snow ball as perfect as could be.

I thought I'd keep it as a pet

and let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas

and a pillow for it's head.

Then, last night it ran away.

But first

-- it wet the bed.

Shel Silverstein

I detest winter, holidays are the pits, I'm a kind of a Scrooge & don't care. However, enthusiam of 6 and 7 year olds soften you a bit. This is a cute little poem the kids recite in class. It cracks me up!

BTW

I found this image from The Snowy Day on a random blog. If you've got a a minute, check it out here! Somebody made a short 2 minute movie of the story & it's really sweet.

And Like It?

I saw this bubble (Tues.) & immediately realized these should be my words. I'm such the subconscious sabotage-er!

And then, I saw this quote (Wed.) after a water cooler discussion:

"I got involved with someone I never expected to get involved with, and
it was that kind of awakening...I never fought it
because it was like, 'Oh, I understand why I had the issues I had early in
life.' I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with men in
relationships." -Meredith Baxter

Meredith caused me to really question my sexuality. I wondered if I'm repressing some hidden desire, depriving myself of hot lesbo action. I never had the opportunity to kiss a girl and like it. Thus, time was spent staring off into space imaging things women to do one another in a sexual situation, and well, there's no rush to change teams.

Yeah, I've had a tendency to sabotage...

P.S.

I loved Family Ties as a child and as an adult. You, too, can watch full episodes @ http://www.cbs.com/classics/family_ties/ **Thank you Lord, Jesus! Viva La Family Ties!**

Have You Been Looking for Me?

I know I have!

Facebook status update 11/13/09:
ending a relationship, becoming a little sister, returning to the folks’ house, quitting the only job I’ve held for a substantial length of time, finishing up a decade of ed. and trying to beat a dreadfully sore throat in the past 1.5 months has been...exhausting.

At least I'm no longer sick.

I've been trying so, so hard to adjust to all these changes while finishing out this semester. I'm feeling very unsettled and unlike myself. I'm confused. I don't like admitting this either.

2009 has been a doozy and I'm glad there's finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I've said before I'm not one for resolutions and won't be making any for the new year; I'm making resolutions for the heck of it...just because it's such a topsy turvy time and I ought to get it together! I'm being ridic...

I haven't even tried to unpack since I moved over Thanksgiving break. I barely have room to walk through my bedroom nor can I find numerous articles of clothing. This morning, I had to run out to the garage to find shoes to match my outfit. It's a fright, but take a peek anyway: Wow, now this is embarassing and pathetic! Wonder what the cable guy will think when he stops by tomorrow...Perhaps, he'll think this chick belongs on Hoarders, or something. On the upside, my parents pointed out I will have a man in my room! And, that's totally a joke- doubt the AT&T cable man is going to be my type and Lord knows I won't be his type.

Speaking of men and Facebook statuses, I started a frenzy the other day by changing my status to "in a complicated relationship", which people "liked" and also messaged me to find out who I'm dating these days. Since when is a complicated relationship something to like?

Here's why my relationship is complicated:
I live with my mothers who packs my lunch, I'm near 30 and soon to be unemployed. Being a horrible catch is pretty fucking complicated! Luckily, I have a best friend who watches out for me. It's too bad she's looking out for my best interest on CraigsList.com.

Christmas Season is almost upon us & we all know about those ever popular(?) "Office Parties". You know. The one's where we're basically forced to attend. The ones where you make that ever important impression on your Boss and his wife? Don't underestimate the importance of your presence, as well as your appearance at these functions. If you intend to even be considered for that new position in the up coming year, you NEED to be there. AND you need to arrive with a great date. There's no two ways around it ladies. Well let's say you want to go, BUT not alone! Not this year. No way! Not again.

What will you do? Who will YOU call? That's right! The guy on CNN . . . . . . . . . "RENT-a-GENT" ! ! ! !

Imagine arriving with THIS great-looking guy. Being able to converse all night long on countless topics, in the language YOU'D perfer. Being able to drink as much as you'd like and never having to worry about driving away so PLASTERED only to wake up in a cold, over-lit, uncomfortable jail cell because some Cop decided you were weaving all over #635.

PLEASE contact me! I can assist you ladies. The situation is NOT hopeless! Not THIS year! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . www.YOUR-RENT-a-GENT.com . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Location: Texas
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1492335552

Laugh, Cry, or Run?

After work, I slipped into Nordstrom to try on UGGs, or Yeti shoes. My knock offs are ugly, but such the bomb, it was a necessary.

I tried the classic tall and then the argyle to be on the safe side since I have sticks for legs and the argyle provides a bit of elastic at the top.

Now, before you stop reading…cool your jets- this isn’t a girly shopping story!

I had one style of shoe on the right and another style on the left, pants folded up for a full view. I was torn and told the sales associate so. Sales associate decides to ask another customer she’s helping for her opinion on my boot situation.

“I don’t like either one of ‘em…The don’t do nothing for you. You need some support. I can tell your feet are crooked. You’re flat footed, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You got flat feet, you walk on the insides of your feet, too, don’t you? You need to get in some corrective shoes like your momma used to put you in. Mine used to make me wear them, but I wanted to wear shoes like the other kids and quit wearing them. Ibet that’s what you did, too. Now, I can’t hardly get out of the house some days. You need to get your feet fixed while you’re young. I’m too old.”

I was so stunned at how this old lady called me out, I couldn’t even open my mouth to respond. Not only did I get called out by some random in Nordstrom, she insisted I should be wearing corrective shoes AND it’s a Friday evening, meaning the store was packed!

Total humiliation. I must’ve turned ten shades of red and put the mightiest of pit stains in my sweater.

You Wanna What?

I've got a really great news story for you out of Denton, Texas...I absolutely love it (only because nothing bad happened). Oh, I love this story! How idiotic can one human being get?

by JASON WHITELY / WFAA-TV
Posted on December 2, 2009 at 3:00 AM
Updated yesterday at 10:45 PM

DENTON - A Denton woman said a "free massage" left her feeling uncomfortable and ended with her calling the police. -Sounds creepily enticing :D

The 21-year-old woman, who did not want to be identified (do you blame her? LOL) said she regrets opening her door Monday afternoon and allowing a stranger posing as a massage school student inside her home."I played it in my mind how many times, and I was like shocked at myself," she said. "Like, why would you ever do that? Like, why didn't you ask for a student ID?"

The incident began when a man who appeared to be in his 20s wearing a T-shirt, cargo pants and flip flops knocked on her door (Did she not play this thought in her mind: "Boy, does he look ever so casual in his flip flops and cargo pants?") He told the young woman he was a student who needed credit for a massage class and was offering free massages. She allowed him inside and he gave her a massage on her couch using her own lotion. -This fool showed up empty handed!? Get it together perv-y massage man!

However, she said it was a brief massage because she quickly stopped him when he began running his hand too far up her leg. He left after giving her a hug and commenting on her physique." -I say, "don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Girl, you better take what you can get!

I know that I am very lucky," she said of it not going any further than that. -All jokes aside, she is VERY lucky.

Denton police said they worry this might not be his first victim and that he may go further next time if he tries again."Is he going to sexually assault someone?" said Officer Ryan Grelle, Denton Police Department. "I hope not. We hope not. But, we don't know." The young woman admitted she learned a lesson the hard way.

Denton police said the only crime the individual committed was hugging her, which is called contact assault, a Class C misdemeanor. She consented to everything else.

Investigators said they hope to find the man or any other victim with similar stories.

Trip to the Doctor

Planned Parenthood was recently mentioned in a comment in regards to my Just Hurry up Already post. This reminded me of my one and only trip to Planned Parenthood.

Flashback to January 2006 (the day I adopted little Timmy from the Dallas SPCA *kisses to the pooch**)

I needed to get one of those fun examinations ladies get and PP was open Saturday so why not. I felt cold and uncomfortable dressed in that flimsy sheet with holes awaiting a strange doctor to take a peak into the furry furnace. In walks a young lady, the doctor, and we talk a bit, exchange ill at ease pleasantries and then I lie back, staring at the ceiling.

Staring at the ceiling, I could only think of evaporating into thin air until I heard oohing and ahhing. Already stressed to the max, I panicked with her sounds. “There’s so much color in it. I see some reds, a bit of gray, some black”. I begin crying hysterically, because this routine check up has turned into me having a life threatening disease, some sort of STD, a crazy colored discharge I didn’t realize existed! Terror! Horror! Shock! I was wishing she’d just get to the bottom of it, quit all the small talk and hand me my sentence. Next thing I know, this broad is talking about windmills and, “what does that say?” The doctor wasn’t looking up the furnace; she was looking at the tattoo on the inside of my ankle.

photo

Stop This Flannel Trend At Once!

Waking up on a completely abnormal snowy Texas morn, I had to figure out what to wear, but the majority of my clothing remains haphazardly stuffed away in boxes limiting my options.

I picked out my favorite pair of dark Hudson’s, a once worn black, brown and blue-ish flannel shirt and my generic black Yeti boots. No, I don’t tuck them in either. I felt a bit awkward in this get up. I mostly hate collared, button up and polo style shirts, which is why I've only worn the shirt once; they make me feel masculine looking, especially with my 15 year old boy figure…the rack also seems to disappear in these shirts. Anyway, I walk into the living room where my little brother is watching some Asian looking cartoon and plant myself in front of him:

“Do I look like a lesbo in this outfit?”

“No, but you look like a lumber jack”

“Damn it! That means I look like a lesbo lumber jack”

“Some people like that look.”

“Yeah, then some big butch babe is going to see me and wanna turn me out. You know I’m easy to persuade.”
photo

Why Not?

A bit Myspace-esque, but have some fun & join in...let me know what you're realizing?

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...Is completely awesome.

2. I've come to realize that my job...Is about to end & a new one is about to start. I’m afraid.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I have no memory of how I get anywhere.

4. I've come to realize that I need....A boat.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...Most of my anxiety

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...People don't properly shake my hand or use proper elevator etiquette during entry/exit.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I panic because I’m such a control freak.

8. I've come to realize that money...Can always be made

9. I've come to realize that certain people...Don’t belong in my life and that’s ok.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...It!

12. I've come to realize that my mom...Will never let me fully grow up & I understand.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...Is a piece of junk.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...The Xanax made me over sleep.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was relieved to not be alone.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...It’s freaking late & must go to bed, but I told Lauren I’d do this if the kids didn’t exhaust me.

17. I've come to realize that my dad...Is real.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...It’s so, so boring.

19. I've come to realize that today...Was rough.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...Is cozy. I’ve been in bed since I got home.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...Is my final day of one of my classes-thank God.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...Move again :P

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...SCOMAN

24. I've come to realize that life...Is almost exactly as I want it to be & didn’t even know!

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...Will be crunknificent (I really do use this word jokingly)

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...Is the same music I listen to when I’m happy.

27. I've come to realize that my friends...Must be crazy to tolerate my constant chatter.

28. I've come to realize that this year...Was a doozy!

29. I've come to realize that my EX is... Is my EX & miss his company/good times.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...Get it together & start working out.

31. I've come to realize that love...Is not what I thought & I’m still not sure what it’s all about.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...Mathematics.

33. I've come to realize my past...Made me…me

34. I've come to realize that parties...Now require food, not just an empty house & booze.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...Being overweight. That’s new. I think it’s the realization that I’m aging.

36. I've come to realize that my life...Is greatness!

37. I have come to realize that I...Need to quit fooling around & sleep.

just hurry it up already

Let me rest a foot on that old box for a minute while I ramble about birth control pills (and Wal-Mart). I don't mess around with that stuff or at least try not to. Hey, it's serious business. I can't birthin' no babies-period. So why does it take an act of congress to get birth control pills?

Dummy me lost them during the move this weekend and have been without for the past two days and heck if I didn't forget to pack them when I went to Ohio last month. Knowing I can't fool around by not taking my pills, I called my doctor's office today to get things straightened out. I was told to wait for his nurse to call me back. Taking matters into my own hands, I went to ...Wal-Mart to let the pharmacy know about the little mishap and urgency in which I needed a new set of pills. I was directed to another window blocked by a line of five restless folks, all waiting their turn. fudge. Finally, when I get my chance to talk to the "counselor", I'm given the green light, but must wait "about forty minutes or so" to get a prepackaged supply of birth control. This is where I really started to hate Wal-Mart more than I already do. Jerks! (ok, this next part is partially my fault)

I thought how to spend my "about forty minutes or so", I knew it wasn't going to be done wandering around in cold, sopping wet shoes because it was raining and the lot was full of puddles. McDonalds and Wal-Mart teaming up is a shit idea in my opinion, but I opted to have a value meal to waste time and take off my shoes to dry a bit. I've seen that website peopleofwalmart.com, so I knew taking off my shoes was the least of my worries and then decided to watch for these people of walmart - minimal luck. Furthermore, there was nothing valuable about my value meal; it was almost $7.00, tasted like crap & ended up in the trash.

Back to the birth control pills.

Not only are they a pain in the ass to get but can get pretty expensive, too. Like one time I tried to explain to the doctor's nurse how $40 a month for pills was completely ridic and just not feasible. She acted as if this $40 pill was my only option causing me to have to tell her she needs to find something because if I can't afford $40 a month for bc pills how in the world was I supposed to afford a baby. After this conversation my pills were changed.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but it seems as if I always have such a difficult time with these pills and it annoys the crap outta me! I mean, for real, methods of birth control should be passed out like Halloween candy. Aren't there enough irresponsible degenerates having and making babies?

There! really no need for this post other than being somewhat annoyed.

Days of The Week

I don't know how it all started, but somehow, back when I was living at home, I randomly came up with names of the week with a fun theme:

Ménage Monday
Tickly Tongue Tuesday
Whack-It Wednesday
Thorough Thrusting Thursday
Fuck Me Friday
Sex ‘Em Up Saturday

Where is Sunday, you ask? Well, I'm not a total jerk! Sunday is a holy day of rest and reflection.

At first, I used these terms to disgust family members and then this whole themed day turned into family joke. See, typically these themed days are said in casual situations with The Fam such as, "I've got to get to get plenty of rest because you know tomorrow is Whack-It Wednesday" or "I'll probably be home late tonight considering it's Fuck Me Friday".

In all seriousness, it may seem kind of out there to say such things to your younger brothers or parents for that matter, but it does bring something to light. Something I'm thankful for. Is this a Thanksgiving post you ask...Oh Yeah!

(I hate this word-blessed, but I'm about to use it anyway) I complain a lot or at least I'm accused of complaining, but deep down, I know I'm a very blessed lady. I have the majority of the things I want, have been successful in many ventures, I think I'm perfectly level headed in many a way and have a family that love, love, loves me. Not only do they love me, but (and this is the part I'm thankful for) we can be and are open with one another. It's such a (here we go again) blessing to be able to discuss all subjects with your parents and family members. Honestly though, we're all human and do human things so what's the big deal!?

I'm thankful knowing if I were to get completely shit faced drunk and reek of a garlic meatloaf sandwich I made thinking it was a good idea, I could pick up the phone and call my mom to come get me. I can also share thoughts and feelings and not worry about the reactions received. I'm sure there have been times or instances where The Fam didn't want to hear or know what I had to say or what I did and fought off the urge to vomit, but it's good I've got them around to listen and be accepting of me.

So there ya go!

i owe who?

“Are you fucking serious? You’ve got to be kidding, right?” These are the words that repeatedly went through my head when the toll lady wouldn’t let me pass.

Let me give a little back story first. There have been multiple times I’ve run the toll, not on purpose mind you. It’s mainly because rarely, if ever, do I carry cash and therefore haven’t one red cent on my person! This particular night, I made sure I had 4 shiny quarters in my car; 2 to get there and 2 to get home.

Okay, here’s the story.

Late one night, not so long ago, (like this weekend) I was heading north on the toll way and missed my exit. As I approached the next exit's booth, coins in hand, I noticed this exit was significantly more than my usual exit, in fact 85 cents more. I’m thinking, “Shit, I’m short some coins…Guess, I’m gonna have to run it once again…Wonder how much I’m going to owe the North Texas Tollway Authority…What, is there a human in that toll booth? FRICK!”

So, I stopped. Upon sight of the woman in the booth, I imagined how this couldn’t be a safe job for an older lady, especially at the hour I was passing through. I figured between her unfortunate job and my unfortunate situation, we could see eye to eye on things. You know, have each other’s back. Help a sister out.

“Ma’am, I’m SO sorry. I missed my exit, I meant to take the one before this and don’t have the 35 cents you need here. I only have a dollar. Will you take the dollar?”

“Yeah, but you’re still going to owe $1.35”

“Oh…”

“Here, I’ll write you an IOU. Hold on there”

Sometime later, after reviewing my driver’s license, inputting data into her register and then writing down my license plate number, she presented me with an envelope and a receipt to sign off on.

“Put your signature here, here, here and here and drop this in the mail with your $1.35. You have 15 days to get this taken care of.”

Okay, so I get to pass without major implications such as that stupid flashing red light and loud sirens, but really, she couldn’t just let me slide? Granted, you can’t do favors for everyone, but gimme a break toll lady. I made an honest mistake.

After all was said and done and I had signed “here, here, here and here”, she then looked at my signatures and then had the nerve to tell me, “These signatures you put on here don’t look like the signature on your driver’s license”.

Look-y here toll lady, I signed my driver’s license in April 2006 upon it’s expiration date. That has been over 3 years ago, not only have I changed, but it was under completely different circumstances.

At this point I could only smile and kindly say, “Would you like for me to sign again?”

I'm In

Deciding to move during Thanksgiving break wasn’t the smartest of smart ideas. Not only was a holiday taking place and I, of course, should’ve been relaxing, I also should’ve been working on multiple papers I must write and submit before December 2. Ugh!

I managed to do mostly everything on my own, until I got to the bigger pieces of furniture, which were moved today. I’ll be damned if buckets of rain didn’t pour down only when my dresser, couch and armoire were being moved. I’ve now decided to junk the couch I once so loved. Surprisingly, I took the weather-y mishap in stride. I must be changing.

Thanksgiving was filling; I spent the morning moving, the remainder of the day at my mom’s and the evening at my aunt’s, where it wasn’t possible to for me to sample any of her dishes thanks to the gluttony at Mom’s.

Friday, I was back to work. assholes. There was absolutely nothing going on in the office and thankfully, I was working a half day. Then, I spent the afternoon maniacally moving, really, really hurting my back in the process. That night, itching to hit the town, I instead took a pill for the pain and passed out on the living room floor watching an uber 90’s movie.

Saturday, I was sort of working on moving, but more so focusing on the crunknificent night I had planned with the girls; a night of boozing it up and dancing to one of our favorite cover bands. Cover band? Yes, you read correctly.

Sunday, well I’ve already told you all about Sunday because Sunday is today. I’m tired to the max and can’t wait to fall asleep knowing I’m going to wake up to find a lunch packed and ready for me to take to work Monday morning. I guess being at home with the folks has its perks although I believe my social calendar will eventually diminish and my already nonexistent love life will take even more of a plunge.

We’ll see what happens next…

Seriously?

I thought movies led to sex. Guess I was wrong...



I saw this vid over at The Sweetest Thing.

sickening

I realized recently, but just recently really realized what a complete and total ass I've been making of myself. I am EMBARRASSED and then some. I wish I could go into hiding, but it's not really necessary because, well, the one I want to hide from wouldn't know any different.

I feel so stupid, I'm off to drown myself in pumpkin pie filling.

I feel like the Thanksgiving asshole.... if there is such a thing (this really has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, I'm just blabbering)

I feel so, so stupid.

thanksgiving

I’m not a holiday person and you know this if you were following me over at the old spot. Holidays freak me out and I always imagine DOOM! Today’s turkey juice flame up in the oven didn’t ease my holiday phobia; there was a small fire with a large shrieking scream. But seriously, today is the day I ought to get it together, right? I’m supposed to be thankful after all. I am, I am!

I’m thankful for (brace yourself here comes a list):
A station wagon- Although grandmotherly, I can easily transport goods. Plus, I’m moving today and thanks to my wagon, I was able to put many a box in my car.
Showerless days- Lets get something straight, I’m no scum bag; I shower every night before bed and have a shower obsession that puts me under the shower head more than once a day, but sometimes things get a little lax when I know I’m spending the day with the fam- they don’t care how I look. Pumpkin pie ice cream- Oh, it’s the stuff! I haven’t seen this ice cream until this year and it only goes to reassure me that someday I will be a very large lady. My new sister & brother- The old brothers are okay, but I’m pretty thrilled to have met the new ones. My legs & feet- I lack rhythm, but how in the dickens would I dance without legs and feet? That’s all I can think of for now…off the top of my head. Since I’m on the topic of Thanksgiving, this week the kids only had two days of school and I was there for the whole overwhelming bit of the mayhem involved in a holiday. Without kids in the family, it’s easy to forget what a big deal it is to have a holiday.

Tuesday morning, I walked into the bilingual classroom to return borrowed bulletin board boarder and saw the children in paper bag Indian vests and pilgrim hats. See, the kids we just an hour away from putting on the performance of a lifetime-At least it was for me.

Since English isn’t these kids’ native language, you can imagine the accents and difficulties they face in learning a new language. The teacher had them put together a small book in English about how the pilgrims came to America and met the Indians. The kids were split up, half Indian and other half pilgrim. They acted out parts of the story, such as rowing a boat to cross the Atlantic, shooting turkeys, planting corn, being cold and so on. It was adorable and then some! I was smiling from ear to ear and if you can imagine, my smile became much more intense when I heard them say, “…the pill-uh-grams and Indians”.

**please forgive my lame post, I'm on holiday & moving!

The Not So International Strip Off- LaBare Dallas

There was nothing international about this strip off, but we all had a real good time. I was super uncomfortable at first. I have no interest in strippers and to be quite honest the whole idea gives me the creeps. 1. i imagine they're gay 2. they lick, slobber, bite and fondle tons of women 3. not a huge fan of big muscles, but they sometimes look nice- i will admit

To aid myself through the discomfort and continual Beavis & Butt head giggling, I began to hoot and holler with the best of 'em. Dancing around with dollars, throwing my hands in the air and acting like an all out spaz, until I actually got within close proximity to one of these muscle bound babes- I ran like a dramatic after school special.







Now, seriously...how did they consider this strip off international!? Scoman said he hoped Australia did him proud, but the most far off land anyone came from was Vegas for Christ sake! That's not international! I mean, come on...someone could've thrown on a pair of lederhosen or found a stuffed kangaroo for Sco's part of the world.

On a scale of 1-10, I give this night a 6. It would've been a 4, but fortunately we are the party and always manage to "bring it" and have a good time- we never go bored when we get together.

Thanks Girls!