Wednesday, November 16, 2011

secret ops

.A new http://www.whateveryoucallthis is in order

Seriously though, I have to figure out Blogger's changes (I'm so technologically idiotic). Between report cards, dinner and planning I've fuddled around a bit, but bleh...

A virtual move that will align with my actual move is sounding really good, yes!

The Moms' is temporary. So is this place. It's not me anymore. Well, some if it isn't. ...I think? Okay, who in the hell am I kidding?

I don't want to be found.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Onto the Next One

July '10 was Eureka Springs, AR and Branson, MO with a little Choctaw(!) gambling to and fro. The subsequent trip, NYC late October '10, was scary at fist. Especially with the warning signing posted about the subway cars:

My brain was consumed with bed bug possibilities.
There were other "scary" events taking place within the subway
I offered zero dollars considering I had none to my name.
I'm always a little happy to see a bit of street performance...nonexistent in my neck of the woods unless you count the juggler hanging around Cowboys' Stadium.

And now for the thinly sliced meat of this post. While fretting over possible bed bugs at the sketch hostel we slept in, trying my damnedest to stay warm and musing over why there's a great love for Tyler Perry's movies, I made a little time to visit my uncle. I hadn't seen him in a few years and some of his work was on display in some hotel. And, duh, of course we stopped to check out what he's been up to. As any niece would do I got out my camera to aim and shoot a picture. HOLY MOLY!

I hear the words, "I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN", see a laptop slam shut, and then a flash of brown appear right in my sweet face. Apparent Lobby Looney Tune thought I was snapping his picture and proceeded to loudly school me on "this day in age with Facebook and all and taking pictures of people..." I thought this man was going to hit me. I assured him I had no interest in taking his picture and surely was not going to paste his mug on my Facebook. He insisted I hang over my camera.                   -Uh, no.

I didn't particularly like NYC. It was cold, fast, big and kind of lonely feeling. I did eat two damn fine bagel egg sandwiches which were consolation.

All I can say is thank god I lit that candle, even if I didn't donate, because I know my actions saved me from getting my lights knocked out by a man and that my friends would've topped the Arkansas bed bugs!


An event from while I was away:

Latest Bed Bug Reports in Eureka Springs, AR  (Slightly Annotated)

2010-09-26 14:28:32
Basin Park Magnuson Grand
Eureka Springs, AR

Greeted by less than friendly staff, we were still excited to stay at the seemingly charm filled (supposedly haunted) Basin Park Hotel during our Fourth of July holiday. Yes, we had to park a great distance & the water was tricky (burn or freeze), but this was understandable considering the age of the building (1905). Nonetheless, our Fourth of July weekend was great... until we arrived home, itchy. Very itchy.  (imagine feverish and uncomfortable, hot, burning flesh)
We arrived home Monday night, itchy as I said. Tuesday morning, working at my desk, I had to stealthily lift my blouse to see what causing much discomfort. Apparently I must be a very tasty (yummy) lady! I received over 100 bites, easily! My lucky husband suffered about 12 bites. Our bites were about the chest, back and pelvic region. It truly is an ugly situation we're still scratching through exactly one week later.
Clearly, the bed bugs must be old news to the staff at the hotel considering the amount of bites- this is no recent infestation. Fortunately after (his mom claiming to be me had) many go round with management, we were credited the amount we paid for our 2 night stay. We won't be returning. On the upside of things, despite the bug experience, our bed was supremely rest we've had in awhile! (A genuine baby making town. Oh, and I saw a fox!)
Feelin' & lookin' like a real scuzz bucket
Me: "Hey, what's my favorite restaurant?"

Mom: "Are you on one of those lonely girl sites again?"

....Just tryna answer my bank security question

Friday, November 11, 2011


I love it. Absolutely love it. Dressing up is oh so fun and usually limited to Halloween, BUT thanks to this new gig I have the option to dress up quite a bit. There was one event, the 1st grade Trick-or-Treat, I didn't catch on cam (I was a clown) - bummer.
PBS's Arthur @ the Storybook Parade
It's 50s day at school....hope they don't make me drink outta the colored fountain

Halloween '11 as Captain Kiss-A-Lot (minus all the smooching)

Lasy year when I was MIA, I was also mime-ingit up
Hoping I can pull something outta my ear for Thanksgiving!

100% Out of The Loop

A certain somebody has mentioned I have "strolled in" during crisis :) Welp, let me set the record straight to half-assedly defend my whereabouts.

Am I still lugging that pretty diamond on my bony, brown finger? -No.
Does sleeping on The Moms' couch blow? -Yes.
Do I feel sad? -Yes.
Am I in crisis? -Hardly!

If I were truly blogging in crisis, I would've been typing up a storm last August when I did not get hired anywhere, when I had no idea how I'd ever pay anything, when people started taking things away, like my car, when I continually questioned when or if a date would be set. Oh my god, talk about the pits and I don't think I've ever been so sad in my life.

Gosh, things were shit.

But here's some news...hold onto your hat, okay?

I did NOT have internet when living with The Former (how I forgot my password). Swear it! I think I was the only 30 year old American with a permanent residence, without. Really. I had the lady at ATT in hysterics when I explained I had no internet or cable, not even a converter box to watch local channels.

Thank you for coming back!!! Catch me up.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Just Wait

It's only a matter of time. Illness is a given when you're teaching. You are bound to get some sort of funky cold until you've "built-up" a germ-y resilience to the precious little creeps.
My darlings are hard fucking core.
Last week lice, ring worm this week.

Monday, November 7, 2011


Yeah, I'm back or at least attempting back. Things have sort of come full circle since I stopped posting or at least I think that's the right term... I have officially returned home to The Moms'. So, did I use the term correctly?
Okay, I'm at The Moms', no longer set to marry, and in school. Holy shit! And, it's the same dang blasted time of year. Yeah, holy shit, how have I managed this? Yes, yes, this is full circle, save for a few minor details. And, the details go as follows:
  • Love life is not flourishing or even remotely entertaining. Instead, try depressing/confusing/tiresome/on permanent hold (you pick)
  • School is no longer college; it is a full time, contractual teaching job (WHOOP WHOOP!)
  • The Moms' is still The Moms', less the younger brother that was living at home.
  • I am sleeping on the couch.

The minor details have details of their own. Having gained an ample amount of alone time I share prosper again in this world wide web and fill your eyeballs with the details of the details.

I miss this. I miss you.

Thursday, October 6, 2011


Holy smokes folks, I just remembered my password

-Do you have any idea what this means?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

guess what!?

I know, I know. I've left you in my dust. In the dark. "What the heck?" is what you're saying, right?
I got a job for the summer. God, I hope it's only for the summer. I'm scanning massive amounts of paper, unclipping an absurd amount of staples, alphabetizing an obscene amount of files and staring at birds out of a huge window, which by the way is the only bit of solace in my work day.

I can't complain though; at least I'm now employed.

So as mentioned last time, I'll update the love's insanely wonderful & magical. "Who is it", you ask? Welp, it's a former classmate I came across on Yes, there was a post about this meeting; scroll through my posts!
Let me tell you, when I saw his little square photo on the site I knew there was no need for and he claims he walked away from our first meeting after several years "in love", which I won't debate because falling in love with me is super easy!

Anyway, to make a short story even shorter I'm totally over the moon...TO THE MAX! and we're.

Hold on.

You won't believe it.


Friday, June 4, 2010

Slow Going

Hey, hey!

I'm back and not only have I returned, but I've heaps of free time, which you'd think all of the newly available time would allow me to blog manically- Not so! I've come without my usual wit and charm. See, I considered moving again, going completely anonymous, but does it really matter? Yeah, so I'm sticking around and willing myself to be regular even if my mojo is in a funk.

Without further delay here's what's up:

Below is a picture of me eating at Keller's (of course I grossly throw in photos of me) in DLC's car, the day I got the "friend" introduction at the Dallas British Car Show. Yes, things have fizzled. Golf was/is way more of priority to him which indicated he clearly wasn't that into me. After speaking with a *hold your breath* nice man I met on, I came to my senses and split! By the way, the nice man has been a permanent fixture, however not of the romantic sort.

I'm still without any job prospects. I've been told to exercise patience because they will begin to scramble as the summer progresses and the whole thing is a waiting game, but we're talking about me here; patient, I am not! On the other hand, the big deal is I did FINALLY take the stage to graduate! Oh boy, what a joyous occasion! I was on pins and needles and riddled with anxiety the entire day, until I set foot on that stage.

Other stuff has happened, as well, but we're going to have to put it on hold because this blog has been primarily based around my love life and that's what I will get into next!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


blog is moving/changing?

details to follow.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


It’s nearly official, I’m done with school. I had a few rough patches filled with sentiment and reflection during my last day of classes this past Thursday. Naturally, I was able to hold it together, that’s how I’ve always managed to get through this life, even when I didn’t want to be bothered with it anymore.

I left home a late bloomer in some respects, yet world-weary with a sketchy plan, broken heart and fragile state of mind, but managed to grow exponentially in these past few years.

I’ve never been fair to myself, never saw me as being enough of whatever I was supposed to be, always lived with an incurable sadness, but fought and fought these feelings because I knew I had to be strong; I had to hold it together.

Because I’ve managed to hold all the shit together, I’m finally graduating with all A’s next Friday, as I set out to do when I left home. I almost want to squeal, I’m so proud of myself, of everything!

Ultimately, attitude and perseverance determine where you’ll end up and I’m completely honored to be able to share this with all of the little maniacs I’ll be working with in the near future.

In typical Steph fashion though, I must say (complain) I’m so pissed the actual graduation ceremony is costing an arm and leg. Assholes trying to milk me for everything they can before I’m gone.

Stay tuned for pics!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

bleh, meh, sheh

I'm bummed I have nothing exciting to write about, so I'm just going to go ahead with this anyway.

I feel incredibly frustrated I have no job; not a teaching job, just any old job to get my broke ass through the summer. Life with The Moms has been okay, but I'm ready to bounce. They're major cock blocks...not that the love life has been all that hot to begin with.

By the way, this weekend I was introduced something like so: "This is my friend, Stephanie", which nearly killed me. Well not really killed, just a tad hurt. Why couldn't I be "This is Stephanie", instead of "friend, Stephanie". Thanks, DLC :/

Oh, I'm such a liar, I did have some excitement recently! I had an interview!
I don't know what to make of the situation. It was a pre-screening interview, which will hopefully lead to "the real deal, let's give Steph a job in the fall" sorta thing. Good Lord, one can only hope.

On a sour note, The Mom's are headed to Florida and then cruising to the Bahamas...lucky cock blocks!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Crunch, Crunch, Cram

Graduation is just, just around the corner!

Exhausted and mentally checked out, I'm trudging through my final project.

I need a summer job ASAP because moolah is tight.

Had my 1st, yes my very 1st, intereview as a teacher, which was way more painless than anticipated.

I feel so excited to see what these next few weeks and months bring :)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

New Take on Dating

Remember, way back...not so long ago? Yeah, that's exactly what I meant to say. Yes, back when I was dating up a storm, sometimes double and triple booking? Good grief, it was fun, dysfunctional, discouraging and did I say fun?

For all intents and purposes you could honestly say my milkshake was bringing all the boys to the yard. Alas, I've given up my date-a-holic behavior and went as far as clearing out my mental queue of menfolk.

****SIDE NOTE: totally forgot to mention I dated an ex-male stripper in early March. How in the dickens did I forget to tell anyone!?****

Amongst, the '09/10 Date-Fest is when we ran into DLC...Surely you remember him! He's still around and I still like him. Sometimes I feel sure he likes me, and then other times I wonder if we have mutual feelings.

It's scary to wonder if he does indeed like me and see potential, and it's far easier to dole out the undeniably awkward charm to "leave an extra candle burning just in case one goes out", like my good friend told me to do. I can't play the games involved; I simply don't have it in me to deal with the kind of stuff like the message copied & pasted below, even though it's hilariously funny and we LOVE it:

"Hey hi....I do believe your profile fits your photos very well which is okay. You do seem to have a lot of positive energy about you. And you sure do take very nice pictures. If i would have been around you the day that you were wearing that outfit in photo 14 you would have had my complete attention all day long you have very very nice legs. I know i am a leg man and i would have been trying very hard not to stare at your lovely legs if I had been with you that day(oh and i would have been trying my best to see as much as i could of you...not trying to be too forward just letting you know the facts). Oh and i am not saying that your physical appearance is everything it's not...there's a lot more to you than just your legs....i think i will take another look at photo 14...well perhaps a couple of looks!!"


I guess you could say, if you really wanted to, Facebook has had an interesting effect on our lives, yeah?

Okay, so like most, I’ve reconnected with friends from as early as my elementary school days back in Mingo Junction, erroneously "friended" men while still in the "getting to know phase", appeared in various embarrassing pics, met a brother and sister after 28 years of living and then a cousin, ran across the former best lay of my lifetime, the person I’ve shared the MOST embarrassing moment of my life with, which has caused me to never think of BBQ tongs and a flashlight in the same way, and then this guy:
Through all that reconnection stuff, I pleasantly bumped into this old junior high chum, which spurred a partner to attend Southlake's Art in the Square.

No, my main purpose for attendance had absolutely nothing to do with modern art, it was all about the frozen bellini, which by the way was totally rad although I think it significantly contributed to a slight case of the poopsies.

While at Art in the Square I saw heaps of art, dancing kids, listened to Rastafarian type-hippy looking singers and the world's worst story-teller, played with an iPad, spun a wheel & won a voucher for a large pizza and took in strange events including a hot make out session and a couple walking their...birds.

Take a peek, Friends:

Saturday, April 24, 2010


I'm still amongst the living.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Welcome To My Sad Little Blog

This picture is incredibly perfecto! Okay, almost. I'm sure you've already establish I look nothing like the girl photographed, nor does my line of work have anything to do with large snakes and God knows I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a belly chain, but all that's irrelevant.

Things are nut-so, INSANELY busy with graduation and the certification process just around the corner! With that said, it's hard to find and/or narrow topics for your eyeball's consumption. If you have any topic suggestions or questions you'd like answered, I'd love, love, LOVE to hear from you:

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I'm F-ing Inconsistant *Here's Yet Another Update*

  • I, Steph, finally won a give away hosted by Alissa and feel like a total bad ass as a result. However, I lost another contest, an "ugly photo" contest, held by Mel. I guess I should be honored my photo wasn't the worst, but I'm not and to be honest, the winner is much more deserving. I love her ugly mug! -Shout out to the Pro-Steph Voters *WOOT WOOT* :)
  • Got a totally rad (and silly) manicure. I typically get phony nails or a French manicure, but not this time around! I got Easter/Birthday nails:
  • Had a birthday April 5th, but kind of celebrated on the 3rd @ Pete's Piano in Addison. I complained all last week about having to share the spotlight with Jesus since Easter Sunday fell during Birthday Weekend '10. I can only hope God has a sense of humor.
  • Was pulled over by the police for the 2nd time in my 28.99 years while on my way to my university to make a major purchase. Thank you Hurst police for adding to my's not like I can see my tail light; after all it is behind me. Anyway, my cap and gown has been purchased for graduation and my body is about to shut down in a few weeks. *Graduating Magna Cum Laude bitches* Oh, speaking of bitches I would've been Summa Cum Laude had I not missed one, single, solitary day of class, which lowered my overall grade in that class to a B.
  • Haven't been on any dates. Yes, my serial dating has come to an end; at least for now. I don't know when or if it's going to pick up again. Gosh, did I really just lose some readers!? I know this is crazy, but I'm still hanging out with DLC. I even ditched the one I was going to hold in my dating queue. Nuts, right?

  • Just days away from taking the last test before I can apply to The State Board of Education for teacher certification. I'm a gosh darn wreck, y'all!

Enjoy this short vid-The first stage strutter is a 67 year old lady also celebrating her birth @ Pete's Piano. They paid $100.00 to hear Pussy Control.

Giggle Fits from stephanie on Vimeo.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I Don't Know What to Make of This

Sometimes women have the tendency to give me a bad wrap; guilty. But there are definitely times when we need to take a good look at ourselves, ladies. By the way, that’s a collective “we”, I wouldn’t dare call anyone out…just being generic here.

This morning, I dropped into my usual breakfast spot to grab a spinach bacon soufflé. In the parking lot, a slick car caught my eye and then I spotted it, one of the most emasculating things I can think of.

Gosh, in fact every time I see this bumper sticker on a man’s car, I almost want to cry for him. I imagine a domineering, insecure wife, looking all Stepford and stuff, presenting this bumper sticker to her husband…an evil gleam in her eyes.

“Look what I’ve bought, darling.” Translation “Put this on your car, Dickhead. Those bitches better know you belong to me, and you better not be out there trying to fuck around either!”

Now, I could have it all wrong. Perhaps the man is over the moon for his wife, his heart soars when he thinks of her, he just can’t get enough, just can’t get enough.

“Oh what a wonderful wife, what a wonderful life!” he boisterously cries out.

Nah, I like the first thought better because that’s how I really feel. I’m trying to see both sides… Ya know, be fair.

Really though, how does this work?

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Part II

A continuation of yesterday's post. You know, the one about my giant granny panty show and breast revelation. I don't know if I'll ever be able to laugh that catastrophe off. Ugh...

Before things went sour Friday night I was naturally in good spirits. Spirits which elevated when I saw my favorite club go-er!

There's a guy, whose name I don't know, and he's a very serious, dedication patron and dancer at a Ft. Worth establishment. No, he isn't an employee, just loyal I guess.

Anyway, I've mentioned him before, but on other blog, the old one. Crap! I'd link the post if I could...I keep Breathing Up The Oxygen private :/ If you've been following and made the transition over here to NTO, then you may remember the night I was followed by a weird-o with a paper rose and approached by an older gentleman?

So, this guy whose name I don't know has clearly choreographed moves and I caught some on vid this time around. Yes, he's still going strong months later!

I'm really hating the way this post is going, but enjoy!

The Reg from Vimeo.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Awkwardly dancing to Calle Ocho or something of the like in my recently purchased UO dress, I felt a tug from the left. It was a man, a decent looking man pulling me across the dance floor.

Being so far from my friends, the awkwardness of my dance intensified. Yes, it intensified to the point of Watermelon Scene from Dirty Dancing, after Johnny teaches Frances AKA Baby to “dirty dance”, and then slips away leaving her looking quite asshole-ish.

Doing a campy dance, I yell over the music, trying to slip away, “Uh, don’t wanna dance anymore.”

“I’ll show you how to dance to this kinda music!” he says and the next thing I know, the man bends down, grabs me by the back of the knees and lifts me from the ground.

Airborne and holding on to this creature for dear life, he began to shake me up and down like ketchup in a bottle that won’t budge.

All the while, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, grappling to keep my short dress down to avoid exposure. The situation left me with my right arm desperately holding onto his neck while the other hand was twisted behind me shielding my va-jay.

Thank God I wore large, full coverage underpants!

Finally, he relented. I tried making a hurried escape while ensuring the bottom of my dress was lying flat and this is when I had to do a double take.

As if the situation hadn’t been ghastly enough, I looked down and saw nipples. Yes, my very own boobs on full display in da club.

*And, this is why I always say, "do not dance with strange men in clubs & especially don't do any grinding and booty shaking...unless you want to be fondled & feel an unknown boner poking you- and trust me, times are never that tough ladies and maybe gentlemen dancing with gentlemen"

Thursday, March 25, 2010

What, What?

Let me get you up to speed…A whole lot has happened and not happened in the last six days:

  • Went on dates with 2 new guys (Date Guy number one, let’s call him DLC, as in doesn’t like candy. WTF, right? And, I’ll call the Date Guy number 2 Urban Cowboy, not to be confused with my previously mentioned favorite mistake, P.C)
  • Experienced a freak snow storm after a 75 degree day
  • Spring Break ended
  • Went back to work
  • Haven’t consistently slept in my bed

I realize this is a lot for one post, no worries; I’ll keep you abreast of only critical points.

Friday, was an awesomely warm spring day of about 75 degrees, and there was a date lined up with DLC. We met, I ate, and we both had 1 Coke and 1 alcohol drink. Two lame asses in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Somehow I ended up going to his house Saturday morning to watch movies.
*I always say never agree to “watch a movie” because ultimately it means he wants to see your vagina* He seemed to be on the up and up, so like I said, I went and F.Y.I., there was no vagina watching.

Saturday evening, I met U.C. at Starbucks for coffee. This is when the freak snow storm began. Good God, he’s gorgeous and kind! I’ve decided to keep him in my queue. Is that bad?

Okay, here’s where things get weird.

Sunday, I went back to DLC’s house and spent the night and, no there wasn’t any “movie watching” going on you perverts. I’ve become a serial dater, not hooker. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday night at his house, as well.

Summing up the situation, Facebook Msging with a friend not really named Roger:
theres a weird sort of connection
its terrifying
and quick
and seems so natural and unnatural at the same time
i cant work it out in my mind

19:53 Roger
step back and get a little clinical, k

I wholly agree with the friend. Things are excellent, but incredibly too fast. I definitely don't want to jump into anything even though I sort of have by spending so much time with DLC. He's cute, nerdy, tells horribly long jokes and so, so nice. I feel like myself around him.

Things are so much easier when the men are jerks!

Enough. Take a mental vacation and enjoy this video because I haven't any good pics to offer. I'm posting this vid not only because I thoroughly enjoy this song, which is stuck on repeat in my head, but for a bloggy friend :) -okay!