Saturday, March 27, 2010

Jerk!

Awkwardly dancing to Calle Ocho or something of the like in my recently purchased UO dress, I felt a tug from the left. It was a man, a decent looking man pulling me across the dance floor.

Being so far from my friends, the awkwardness of my dance intensified. Yes, it intensified to the point of Watermelon Scene from Dirty Dancing, after Johnny teaches Frances AKA Baby to “dirty dance”, and then slips away leaving her looking quite asshole-ish.

Doing a campy dance, I yell over the music, trying to slip away, “Uh, don’t wanna dance anymore.”

“I’ll show you how to dance to this kinda music!” he says and the next thing I know, the man bends down, grabs me by the back of the knees and lifts me from the ground.

Airborne and holding on to this creature for dear life, he began to shake me up and down like ketchup in a bottle that won’t budge.

All the while, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, grappling to keep my short dress down to avoid exposure. The situation left me with my right arm desperately holding onto his neck while the other hand was twisted behind me shielding my va-jay.

Thank God I wore large, full coverage underpants!

Finally, he relented. I tried making a hurried escape while ensuring the bottom of my dress was lying flat and this is when I had to do a double take.

As if the situation hadn’t been ghastly enough, I looked down and saw nipples. Yes, my very own boobs on full display in da club.

*And, this is why I always say, "do not dance with strange men in clubs & especially don't do any grinding and booty shaking...unless you want to be fondled & feel an unknown boner poking you- and trust me, times are never that tough ladies and maybe gentlemen dancing with gentlemen"

8 comments:

Anthony said...

You look stunning in that photo.

Hmm, yes imagine what he would be like in bed. Wait no, don't imagine it.

ScoMan said...

Remember how I said posts about nudity are funny?

Well this isn't funny.

What an asshole. Oh yeah, I totally said the "a" word.

What makes people do things like this?

Some people just shouldn't be allowed to leave the house.

Jennee said...

oh goodness...i love dancing...but not with strangers!

Soph! said...

jerk, indeed! I hate guys like that at the club!

Smart Ass Sara said...

THIS is why you carry a video camera. Because this??? Would have won you money on some show.

Bathwater said...

I guess I do need to spend more time watching what goes on at the club.

Steph said...

@Anthony: The situation was horrible. I don't even wanna go there!

@Jennee: Seriously! You can't mess around when it comes to down to it, which is a shame for those who enjoy dancing aren't looking to get dry humped on the dance floor!

@Soph!: Yes, it's completely not socially acceptable to act like that. WTH...?

@Sara: LOL :P

@Bathwater: Yes, keep your eyes peeled!

Nina said...

1) Love the dress.
2) Hate when guys TUG! Hello, Caveman.
3) Always RUN when they say, "I'll show you how to dance." People who know how to dance rarely say that and ketchup bottle dance ensues.
4) Thank god for granny panties. Were you trying to guarantee a hook-up free night?