Saturday, February 27, 2010

Why Me?

"How old is he? Does he have a cute butt?"

These words were spoken by my recently turned 14 year old cousin upon hearing I had a date last night. Odd.

He is 31 and I wasn’t even concerned with his butt. Okay, I did take a quick peek and welp…nada. Jeepers, cousin’s question provided a great pseudonym for this most recent internet dating victim; Saggy Britches!

Fuck. (Pardon the French)

I will start by describing this date by saying the fella is photogenic, in person, not so much; a little too red headed, pale, and fashion challenged. I can’t date another fashionably challenged man. God help me!? I have my hot mess moments, but nuh uh, not again.

For all intents and purposes, he’s a likeable guy, just not romantically/physically my type. I did get some awesome cheese fries out of the deal and decent conversation. The night wasn’t a total wash.

Here’s the doozy though, the good stuff. The-OMG-why’d-you-just-tell-me-that-but-thanks-for- telling-me-that moment.

Let me back up, paint you a picture.

While talking and what not, a woman approaches, introduces herself to me and proceeds to talk to Saggy Britches for awhile. No big deal. She leaves and he tells me they used to date, still no big deal. The big deal came a tad later.

During the course of conversation The Moms come up and naturally, he asked the typical male question to which I answered how interacting with The Vagina makes me queasy, etc. He told me how the woman I’d just met that he used to date likes the ladies. Still, no big deal.

The doozy came when he said something along the lines of, “Yeah, So & So likes to fuck chicks” and how they had three-somes throughout their relationship.

The End!


Thursday, February 25, 2010

Interactive Thursday...That Means You!

*Back Story*This is a msg. exchange via Facebook. There’s a long standing drama I have no part of, want no part in, and don't even discuss, but somehow my friend, “Pam” keeps trying to drag me into the mess. I want no part of this. I dodge dramatics at all costs, but I don’t know what to do with this woman. I mean seriously, at this age!? This is worse than the 4th graders I spend my days with. (BTW these names are bullshit)

I never post this sort of crap, it's just I'm at my wits end. I feel almost guilty and uncomfortable putting this out there, but gee whiz! Oh, and the msgs below came on the heels of my EX randomly calling me up to tell me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore out of "self preservation" and blah, blah, blah bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I can sort of understand his point, but really? I found the whole thing completely inappropriate.

So, here’s where the interactive part comes into play…what would you do?

Pam 08 February at 19:43
favor....i don't know if you are planning on attending george’s party on the 13th (or if you have even heard about it - its in the eve after my big bad b-day bbq) but i am not going (though i think i responded "yes" when drunk the other night). i just don't want the drama, which brings me to the favor.... if you are planning on going, could you please just not talk to me about it? especially that day? i know i bring up the joe/annie situation sometimes (when something notable happens), but ultimately i don't want to hear about it (especially on my b-day)...thanks bud.

Pam 25 February at 09:01
no drama, just honest communication...are you planning on associating with annie (outside of facebook?)...i ask for one reason only. if she is going to be at events you plan, i would want to know ahead of time (in the same way you might want to know if i invited you to a party and someone like...calvin...was going to be there)...No drama about it, i just wouldn't come. That is how tired of the drama i truly am. Well, that and she really did hurt me stephanie. I never said her girlfriend was charles manson - I only said the behavior was out of line. And annie spun it like I was insane and had made up some wild story. The whole thing was (and still is) very, very hurtful. I am "over it", but it is always going to hurt and that isn't drama, its just honesty. Anyway, I'd just like to know one way or the other so I can adjust accordingly (all that means is I'm not going to be anywhere she is).

Steph 25 February at 18:06
Nonsense. I wasn't even going to bother with a reply, like george's party, but here goes:

I've known you for about 10 years or so. I, for one, would never imagine you'd invite calvin to a party (or whatever) but if you did..I would imagine that YOU, as my FRIEND, would have enough RESPECT for ME that you would give me a HEADS UP.

I don't know what you think about me as a person. Clearly, not much.

On the upside, there are no worries, because I haven't planned any events, nor do I plan on planning any events. Furthermore, it's very rare you'd take my calls if there was such an event to attend, especially since you have a "screening process".

With that said, I think we're in the clear.

I could be wrong, but I'm just going to assume this is the drama you mentioned with Kent and Facebook yesterday. Whether it is or not, just for the record I have too much going on to worry myself with these sorts of issues. Please leave me out of these future discussions/communications because I will no longer respond to this sort of stuff.

Steph 25 February at 18:07
and if you're tired of drama, you shouldn't feed into it.

I'm just saying...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

How I Forgot the Rhythm, but Remembered the Party!

Finally, Steph had another opp to get crunknificent!

I haven't had a chance to get my dance on since The N's birthday celebration, which was mid-January. Lordy, lordy, it sure is nice to get out and shake it every once in awhile. I will let the pictures speak for themselves, but let me preface this heavily pictured post by saying:

  1. I'm totally sober in all pictures

  2. Allergies and a runny nose don't slow me down

  3. TX weather is indeed unpredictable and I accidentally overdressed

  4. I generally do a G-rated strip tease style dance while on the floor, but being the lady I am, I went to the restroom to remove my tights

  5. I have no idea who these guys are

  6. It never fails. The geriatrics at the bar gravitate to me!


Saturday, February 20, 2010

Just Like Britney, Ooops!

I went back to where I didn’t want to go; the country.

Just what does that mean you ask? Well, there’s this guy, who for all intents and purposes I will refer to as PC, as in Pure Country, and well, he lives in the country, hence the moniker. He’s been in the picture for awhile, becoming a more dominant figure around the holidays, but I’ve opted to keep this to myself.

PC is completely “Mr. Wrong” for a number of reasons, annoying as all heck yet somewhat comical. I vowed I’d stop venturing beyond the city limit sign…

My bestie, The N, said she learned from Sex & the City, PC is the type of guy you let go of for the next girl to enjoy. I would, but I’m greedy.

Here’s how it all went down:

I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks and had been on some dates with other guys, which made me decide to put dating on hold altogether causing me to think I wasn’t going to date, but rather focus on all the mumbo jumbo I’ve got going on, but naturally I retrogressed. Surely, you already knew this was going to happen.

As I was leaving work, I received a text from PC, a stupid, annoying text that pissed me off, especially since Parking-Lot-Blow-Job had text-ed just a few days prior. I thought, “Why are these jerk-offs bugging me?” And then I thought some more and this is where I fluffed up- PC is a jerk, but a familiar jerk; a sexy, familiar jerk.

Sexting ensued.

I found myself back at his house, sitting on his couch, drinking from the same bottle of wine I’d left over there weeks ago, smoking Marlboro cigarettes and eating pizza, while he was beside me, massaging my feet, watching some crap sitcom and continuously glancing at me, making his stupid disbelief faces because I wasn’t laughing at the show. Oh, I hate his stupid scrunched up faces!

Clearly, separation hadn’t thrown off our typical routine.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day, Love Birds

Check out my Valentine's Day guest post!

With lots & lots of LOVE,

Enjoy a few of my favorite love songs, but let me warn you the 1st video is not for the faint of heart:

I selected this particular vid because of Karen O's oh so awesome sweater!

Saturday, February 13, 2010


Who loves ice cream and cake!?

I loves ice cream and cake!

Anyone who has seen me demolish sweets knows the truth; I'm a chunky babe, trapped inside this little, stick-ly brown body. And, anyone who reads this blog or my previous posting place knows I GO INSANE when it comes to that ridiculous Baskin & Robbins commercial.

Friday, school was canceled, I did nothing, absolutely nothing, but lounged around feeling sick, unable to breath through my nose, and disgustingly mouth breathing. Trust me, mouth breathing is not a pretty sight

Anyway, The Moms came home and well, you already know what they brought me!!

could only get the Thanksgiving ed. to work this time :/

Thursday Night

Coming up in a teeny, weeny town situated along the Ohio River, I was no stranger to snow. However, snow and I have been estranged for years. Well, at least what I consider “real snow” because flurries don’t count. Tiny bits of accumulation don’t really equate “real snow” either my fellow Texans.

Yeah, this is snow, but it’s not snow:
Welp, finally got the real deal! About 12 record breaking inches is what they say.


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Crush...

short lived. not reciprocated.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

One Last One!

Ok, so I said I wasn’t going to do it, but I’m going to do it. I’ve got about 1 hour and 15 minutes to kill before Mommy feeds me dinner. I flat out don’t feel like doing shit. (Yes, I live with my dang mother(s). Yes, I have no paying job. And, yes, I have a lingering cold. Yes, I have heaps of work and planning to accomplish. Yes, I’m sick of the god damned winter. Lastly, YES, I’m extremely frustrated and near a state of depression. Whoa, did all that really come out just now? Totally irrelevant info, my apologies.)

*pulling myself back together*

My Facebook friends are already hip to some of this, but there are you that aren’t, so I’ll share since I miss y’all and heaven forbid you forget your Little Ol’ Stephie Poo.

I’ve recently developed horrendous eating habits, which cause me to drive myself to the same gas station every morning for a 20 ounce styrofoam cup of their delicious Coke-A-Cola. (Lately, I’ve upgraded to a 32oz, Ooops! Not so much irrelevant this time around, but embarrassing)

Not only does this particular station have the tastiest fountain Coke, there’s a particular gentleman (a fellow regular customer) I’ve made my “make-believe-boyfriend-that-I-make-love-to-every-morning-with-my-eyes-because-he’s-not-really-my-boyfriend-and-I-can’t-really-touch-him-without-breaking-the-law-and-I’m-not-really-crazy-but-he’s-super-hot-and-I-have-this-strange-feeling-he-is-also-eye-fucking-me-and-probably-one-day-will-want-to-marry-me”. HAA! That’s sick!

Beside soft drinks, I’ve also been known to go for a bit of candy in the morning. One cold as usual morning, I asked the clerk where the Nutty Bars are kept. After he pointed to the assumed location where I happened upon nothing of the sort, I said, “Oh crap. Y’all don’t have Nutty Bars. Man! I really wanted a Nutty Bar this morning”.

The clerk kept saying something and I kept on asking him what he was saying, and finally his voice rose loud enough for me to hear him say, “I said, I’m a little nutty and I get off of work in 37 minutes”.


Now, that’s been a few weeks ago and he’s been fairly normal since; normal until this morning.

I filled my 32 ounce cup full of that delicious Coke and set it on the counter, telling the “nutty” clerk I had to first grab one more item for my snack.

Again, he mumbled words I was unable to hear. Apparently, I “make him naughty and have funny thoughts”, which were brought about by his suggestion of me having a sausage biscuit for breakfast.

Creepy, I know, although hysterically funny when I enter my car and rewind the events. What a freak!

Honestly though, this is the type of guy I attract. His type is wholly why I resorted to online dating. By the way, I’ve given up on the WWW as of yesterday. I will be meeting no one else. At least, I'm not planning on doing so.


My daily routine is anything but routine. Well, that's somewhat of I lie because I routinely get into bed by 5PM. The interning and consequential cold have taken over my life, thus Not the Oxygen suffers. All my wit withers away while I snooze under my electric blanket. Sorry :/



maybe I can catch up?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Things Don't Always Go According to Plan

In Watching
Wishing my

Would brush their self!

Monday, February 1, 2010


Today is Monday and I don’t know what to do with myself. With so much to look forward to, I was feeling pretty good and antsy about this week:

Monday: Regular school day, mac n’ cheese in the cafeteria, and 1 month closer to finishing my residency.
Tuesday: Very busy carrying out plans in the classroom and staying for after school tutoring.
Wednesday: Dinner with weekend man number two.
Thursday: Sleeping in, enjoyable breakfast, and spending the day at the university. Night outing is a total possibility.
Friday: 1st grade field trip, Dallas Burlesque Festival with the birthday girl mentioned in this post and those A sisters.
Saturday: Baby shower and whatever the hell else I feel like doing!
Sunday: Continuation of whatever the hell else I feel like doing!

Yeah, sounds good, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought until I ventured to the other side of the school to discuss the upcoming field trip. See, this isn’t just any old field trip; it’s The Field Trip of field trips! It’s the flipping Ft. Worth Stock Show! And, this lady fucking forgot about me tagging along, but says I should still be able to go since I’m faculty. Man, I hope this pans out because I’ve had my little chocolate heart set on this trip. I mean it’s the stock show for Christ’s sake; do you know what that means to me? I’ve already told you folks I want a stinking brown cow. I looove livestock! I also love those little first graders. Boo Hoo!

On the upside, ‘cause there always is one…

You already know, or are in the process of figuring out I’m a bit spaztastic. You long timers know how I feel about the Baskin Robbins Ice Cream & Cake commercial and how I think it’s the greatest. Welp y’all, they’ve got a Valentine’s edition.

BEHOLD, loves!