Wednesday, December 16, 2009

What's New? Nothing.

I noticed how lame things have been around here; a real fucking ghost town, guys. Why hasn’t anyone said something? Ok, ok, I shouldn’t blame y’all, I should take full responsibility for my lack of interesting posts, but not much has been happening. At least nothing happening I wish to relive. The nail salon that doesn’t take credit cards, but doesn’t bother to tell you until you’re already “did”, the discussion of Ambien sex and blow jobs with my two moms (why did I even bother to divulge this information?), saying goodbye to my little grade 1 puppies who harass me about my marital status...I mean really, nothing blog worthy. Plus, my weekend was sort of a bust; no fodder there.

Subsequently, through much suggestion from others and a little hesitation on my part, I joined a dating website. GOD, HELP ME! Now, I’ve relegated myself to searching through horribly executed member profiles chock full of misspelling of words such as “intertaining” and a number of dreadfully selected photographs. The cheesiest being of topless men, bathroom mirror self portraits and the ultimately uber creepy “I’m gonna take a lonely, low grade photo of myself in my bedroom with this here web cam” photos that scream, “psycho killer!”

I have no special expectations. I figure I’ll just wait and see what comes of this new undertaking. I’m not much of a dater and feel mostly socially unacceptable. For example, here is a snippet of a text session from yesterday afternoon:

Internet @ 3:57- “Cupcakes. Milkshakes. Someone’s got a sweet tooth. How do u stay so skinny?”

Steph @ 3:57- “I barf.”

Steph @ 3:58- “I get it from my dad’s side.”

Steph @ 4:01“My dad’s side is thin, not bulimic.”

I was joking, right, but what in the world would cause me to say such a thing to a virtual stranger who is completely unaware of my sense of humor? I’m a lousy flirt; lack charisma, just out right goofy and bizarre. Otherwise, when I’m not making an ass of myself, I clam up, lack all personality and refuse to divulge any information out of fear of my socially unacceptable behavioral patterns, which also doesn’t put me in a good light. I’m doomed. I need to find a good middle ground.

See, I wondered how I manage to attract a plethora of freaks and weirdos, but I now realize it’s entirely my fault. Although I see myself as cute as all heck and fun, I think the Stephanie Vibrations say something else, go from one extreme to the other; spaztastic chat machine or standoffish. So yeah, when I go out and get crunknificent on the dance floor and then wonder why I have an odd bespectacled man following me around the club with a flower he’s fashioned out of a drink napkin I have no one to blame but myself. When I got out and rarely get a second glance while I’m huddled in a corner somewhere, also my fault. I need a self help book, a special sort of companion…something, Lord, please anything!

Fortunately, like I said, my expectations aren’t high. It’s not like I’m trying to get hitched. Hell, I don’t even know what my motives are. A friendship will suffice.

PS
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30 comments:

RicAdeMus said...

Haha! My wife was really shy in public and attracted freaks and weirdos too! Well, until I came along and swept her off her feet!!! =)

Someone out there is looking for you--and I don't mean a psycho killer.

michelle said...

part of me really likes the online dating. part of me really hates it. today, part one is winning... i don't think you're doomed. you just haven't found the right guy to understand your quirks. one day you will :)

Steph said...

@Ric: Glad you clarified it's not a psycho killer LOL

How long have you been married?

@Michelle: How long have you been dating online? We may have to talk more ;)

Bathwater said...

At least expect good sex out of the deal! Ten days before Christmas is not a good time to be looking for a new date. Don't be so hard on yourself. Barfing is cool with me if it works j/k.

Steph said...

@Bath: Yeah, perhaps my timing is off, but why must Christmas spoil my fun!? :)

I knew there was I reason I hate the holidays!

Ashley said...

Found your blog through 20sb (Added you on there as well) and I think you're fantastic.

I found my fiance through online dating so not all hope is lost!

krystal said...

i have a fabulous online dating story, so stick with it you could meet the loooove of your whole life =)
and...so...did that guy write back? haha

Steph said...

@Ashley: Cool, thanks :)

I've heard good and bad about the online thing. Makes sense that it can go either way. Afterall people are people, doesn't really matter where you find them. -Congrats on roping one!! haha

Steph said...

@Krystal: Is that where you met the initials? (Dont' know his name, think you just refer to him as initials) He totally wrote back! LOL

JR Moreau said...

Online dating can make thing easier, but dating in general seems harder the older you get. Especially if you have a demanding job. I feel like every person I meet has a million hours more free time than I do and that I'll never be able to see them as much as they demand. Either that, or I'm just overworked haha.

Either way, keep being extravagant, for all our sake.

Steph said...

@JR: Completely harder! I guess the good part of being online is the rapid rate of potentials. Don't worry, I'll stay extravagant!

I'm so glad I shared this with you guys/came out of the closet! I need more of your dating details; good & bad!

MKL said...

I saw your pics and I must say, you're a catch. I'd date you, if I was single and in your area :P

Anyway, good luck! Keep us posted ;)

Steph said...

@MKL: HA, thanks :D

RicAdeMus said...

I've been married my whole life!!! I met my wife when we were 15. In typical teenage fashion we would break up once in a while, but were always drawn back together. We got engaged @ 18 and married @ 21.

Steph said...

@Ric: That is really awesome! I love those kinds of stories...

carissajaded said...

I have the exact same problem with flirting.. I either come across as a crazzyyyy person who scares people up, or someone that doesn't know how to speak. Ahhh I'm doomed to be forever alone, I suppose that's ok!

Steph said...

@Carissa: They just has to be some hunks in the DFW that love spaztastic girls, right? If not, I've been working on become okay with my future spinster status.

Grant said...

I would ask you on a date in no time at all if I were in DFW. To be honest that may be your problem. Dallas is not really my kind of town. Move to Austin.

Steph said...

@Grant: I agree I should move b/c Dallas isn't my kind of town either! I do think DFW is my problem, I really do...not that I don't perpetuate the problem as well ;) I'm working on working on getting a job in the Austin area...if it pans out, you can date me LOL

I Really Suck At This said...

"Crunknificent" is my new favorite word.

Steph said...

@I Really Suck :I totally made this up! Wonder if I can add it to Wikipedia? Maybe it's made its way to Urbandictionary.com ** whoa ho!

Steph said...

Okay, I googled 'crunknificent' and apparently it's been used before. Bummer. On the upside, there aren't many uses of the word & not the oxygen does appear in the google search. Damn!

OmegaRadium said...

Don't you worry, the wise janitor at work tells me that everyone has 7 perfectly compatible people out there for them. 5x of the opposite sex, and 2x of the same sex.

Hmmm...is the janitor gay? Does he think I'm gay?! :P

ScoMan said...

You sound pretty similar in social situations to what I am. Except for the dancing. And being followed around my a guy with an orgami flower. Mine was a swan.

Anyway, I clam up and everything as well. But who needs friends anyway?

Arnetta Green said...

Aww!!! You sound EXACTLY like me before I started dating the Mister. If I wasn't one extreme I was the other, and all of my friends were so freaking appropriate in dating and social situations. They all made me want to just shoot myself, lol. I've done the internet dating thing also. Bad spelling was such a turn off for me and I spent most of my time just cringing/laughing at photos. I think you're going to find your someone in a very "Stephanie" kind of fun and unexpected way . . . and uh . . . what exactly is Ambien sex?

Steph said...

@Arnetta: What do you mean what Ambien sex is...Tiger did it! lol Have you ever taken Ambien? Msg me on Face!

Angelia said...

Steph- TOO FUNNY!
Hey don't worry...the right guy will "get" you, just be yourself.
I met my man on FACEBOOK, seriously! Are you interested app. He's awesome. I had a major dating spree on pof. You have to talk to a ALOT of guys but they are pretty easy to weed out. Don't waste too much time chatting, meet them in person to know immediately if anything is there. Friendship or otherwise. :-) Could be some great future blogs.

Steph said...

@Angelia: I didn't know there was such an app.- cool!

They are def. easy to weed out :D I'm gonna take your advice and cut to the chase!

krystal said...

ohh no, not where i met these initials...some other initials that i'm still friends with :) email me your email!

michelle said...

steph - in answer to your question: forever. lol at least it feels that way. i've been on one site for years, but not always for dating prospects. i joined a second site a year ago in a more serious attempt. the 2nd site resulted in a 9 mo relationship which went up in flames :p
you can email me if you have other questions :) mcschoon at gmail