Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Lowered Expectations?

I had to find/add this vid after reading (funny)Arnetta's comment on the previous post, The Tale of Tea Bag:

Serious, guys, I'm beginning to think the 2nd site I signed up for is some sort of sex site. This evening, I got yet another request for some boo-tay from another picture -less, married, forty year old.

I don't have the patience to ride this one out. Between the outright weirdos and wife cheating sex fiends, I just don't have it in me. LOL Must be slim pickin's during the holiday season- that's what I'm going to tell myself- Remember, keeping the faith?

Okay, so instead of posting another married dude's pathetic quest for poon, you can read this little gem that came my way this afternoon:

In short, I was just strolling through BLAHBLAHBLAH basically minding my own business, when i slipped on those stairs - tumbled down, i grabbed a tablecloth for some reason pulling hummus and tortilla soup down upon me.. I looked up from my embarrassing position, wiping soup from my eyes - and there was this smiling profile picture looking back at me. Above the picture it said: ohmysteph. And I thought to myself - wow this is fortunate, this young lady seems awesome... But what should i write to her...My name is ********.How are you today?

After a smidge of self reflection, Mr. Rico Suave recanted his statement in another message sent roughly 3 hours later:

dangit that sounded kinda lame-o huh?I try and invent these literary non-sequitors when i really want to grab a gal's attention. A good strategy perhaps - but high probability to fall flat.. When I went back and reread this one in particular i'm not liking the way it sits on the ears... Anyhow..

I'm calling it quits for a while. I know I'm getting worn out....don't wanna bore y'all to death with my sad bunch of unsuitable suitors.



I Really Suck At This said...

It sucks that you aren't meeting anyone even remotely datable...but hearing about these guys is hilarious! Mr. Tortilla Soup may be my favorite yet!

ScoMan said...

Good way to set yourself apart.. as a bit of a wanker.

Full marks for trying though.

michelle said...

creepy creepy creepy. between this guy and tea bag, i would call it quits on that site. while i appreciate the use of nonsequitor, this guys's little story was so bizzare. this is why emailsfromcrazypeople.com exists lol

Cecilia said...

I'm sure I'm echoing others sentiments...but this stuff is hilarious!!!

I also like the part in your post where you (maybe accidentally) rhymed "poon" with "afternoon." So I'm putting in a request for a Holiday Themed Dating Disaster poem..preferably where you use "poon."

Thank you! :)

JP said...

Self deprecation isn't a bad way to break the ice... but he went WAY too far with the set up.

OmegaRadium said...

I can't blame the guy for trying, but that statement alone shows me why he is single and probably creepy.

One shouldn't have to sit around and brainstorm witty things to say to a female just to impress her!

Sure, the occasional compliment is nice and all...but really? The guy needs to relax and just go with the flow. This coming from a real ladies man, lol! ^_^

Steph said...

@IReallySuckAtThis: The soup guy is a good one. I had to read the first msg a few times to fully comprehend what he was trying to say.

Yeah, not finding anyone dateable sucks, but at the same time I'm getting such a kick out of this. It's like a typical night out AMPLIFIED!

@Scoman: Yes, he tried & def. set himself apart ;)

@Michelle: Now I'm gonna have to check out that site..never head of it! I'm so disappointed I've been missing out!!

@Cecilia: I'm not too good with poetry, but I'll give it a whirl. Should I throw something decent togethe I will post it just for you! :D

@JP: Uh, yeah LOL He took it a whole 'nother level!

@JJ: Maybe, Ladies Man, you ought to devote a post to the art of picking up the lasses? I think you'd do well!

I wonder if the poor sap has to brainstorm general conversations as well?

Arnetta Green said...

ROFLMBO!!! That video is hilarious!!! It also explains why you put that chocolate/vanilla comment on Facebook. I just thought it meant you were down with the swirl. And I got mentioned in a post, awesome!

*Ahem* But on a more serious note. I am really sorry that this internet dating stuff isn't working out for you. You are not boring us, though. I say, don't throw in the towel just yet. You never know!

Bathwater said...

Well try to enjoy your holidays,

Merry Christmas!

JR Moreau said...

I swear off dating all the frigging time... then some nice looking girl will "wink" at me on match.com and then I'll talk to her, go out on a date, everything will dissolve and then I get discouraged again.

I dunno, it's good to take a break from time to time. But don't forget, you are THE SHIT! You've gotta stay open to new people and possibilities and don't ever forget that you're sexy, smart and will make for an epic catch for whichever lucky guy is smart enough to be in the right place at the right time.

Don't give up entirely, we're bound for greatness :-D