Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I Don't Know What to Make of This

Sometimes women have the tendency to give me a bad wrap; guilty. But there are definitely times when we need to take a good look at ourselves, ladies. By the way, that’s a collective “we”, I wouldn’t dare call anyone out…just being generic here.

This morning, I dropped into my usual breakfast spot to grab a spinach bacon soufflé. In the parking lot, a slick car caught my eye and then I spotted it, one of the most emasculating things I can think of.

Gosh, in fact every time I see this bumper sticker on a man’s car, I almost want to cry for him. I imagine a domineering, insecure wife, looking all Stepford and stuff, presenting this bumper sticker to her husband…an evil gleam in her eyes.

“Look what I’ve bought, darling.” Translation “Put this on your car, Dickhead. Those bitches better know you belong to me, and you better not be out there trying to fuck around either!”

Now, I could have it all wrong. Perhaps the man is over the moon for his wife, his heart soars when he thinks of her, he just can’t get enough, just can’t get enough.

“Oh what a wonderful wife, what a wonderful life!” he boisterously cries out.

Nah, I like the first thought better because that’s how I really feel. I’m trying to see both sides… Ya know, be fair.

Really though, how does this work?


Jane Marie said...

That sticker was purchased by the most paranoid, insecure wife EVER.

Although I would probably do that to my husband as a joke.

Melanie's Randomness said...

I don't understand this stuff either.

Smart Ass Sara said...

I may get my hubs to put a qtip in my cat's vag for her own benefit, but no way in HELL would he put that sticker on his truck. No way. He would walk to work the day I put it on for him. And really? If you think a BUMPER STICKER will keep your man from cheating on you...counseling and reality therapy are in order.

Tania-Dreams2010 said...

ahahahah love this! I agree with you!

Mel said...

I know of a man who would stick that on his car with complete earnestness.

Interestingly enough, when I think of that couple, I think "Sickeningly in love".

I adorethat picture, as well. :)

ScoMan said...

I love my kids fair enough.. but your spouse? That should be a given.

Some might argue the kids should be a given too, but really they're annoying little shits sometimes who shouldn't be loved.

Spouses are annoying shits sometimes as well I guess.

But needless to say, my parents didn't need those kid stickers because loving me is a given.

There's an Australian comedian whose wife got a tattoo that says "I love Dave".. and when she presented it to him she said "You can get one for me too.. if you want to"

There's no way to say no to that.

And so he's been branded.

Kind of like the cars.

But maybe the people with those bumper stickers don't actually have wives. They're lonely, lonely people who don't get out much and don't want to look so lonely.

Or maybe they're like me and happy with nobody talking to them so they put that there so people will leave them alone.

Or maybe I think too much.

JP said...

Reminds me of an episode of Veronica's Closet (no, really, don't ask why I watched it.)

Guy bought a VW Cabriolet... another guy commented that it was a gay guy's car. "What if I put a bumpersticker on it that says 'I love chicks'?" Then it's a lesbian's car.

Anthony said...

Why would you cut away at the very thing that makes him a man? I'm sure him being a needy dude that expresses his undying love at every possible moment wasn't the most attractive thing about him.

I had a girl that got insecure because of women on television! Whenever an attractive woman came on, I could feel her head turn and she would watch to see if my expression would change.


carissa said...

Yeah.. she probably didn't even ask him first... she probably had an inkling he was cheating, so snuck outside in the middle of the night and stuck that shit on there.

I always think the worst!

Krystal said...

hmm...i think it's from promise keepers - that christian organization full of guys trying to be better husbands.
i don't know...i kind of think it's cute, maybe. i wouldn't have my husband put it on though because it would be kind of embarassing. yah i don't know my thoughts on this, haha!
(ps. this is my new bloggy blog)

Not the Oxygen said...

@Jane M: I need to find a husband just to buy him this sticker :P

@Melanie: From the looks of another comment I guess there's significance behind the sticker...I couldn't find any info before posting though. I also didnt look very hard.

@Sara: Ah yes, qtip in the furnace...may try that one of the dogs LOL

@Tania: I think you should purchase one for your husband and get it of cam so we can all see his reaction ;)

@Scoman: Now there's a thought.. perhaps these men are single and lonely and wanting to look taken. HA! good one, friend.

@JP: Haven't seen the show, but I did own a Cabrio and it's totally a gay man's car!

The episode sounds good...I'd like to see it. Can you find it online?

@Anthony: I'd be completely turned off if my husband got the sticker on his own accord-CREEPY! haha

@Carissa: Yeah, you got. She hates him and cackles when she sees him drive off.

I always imagine in guy in the car with said sticker being slightly hunched over in defeat. Whipped again!

@Krystal: Hey, that sounds legit. I tried finding something really quickly on google before posting, but was too lazy to really search in depth.

you moved!?

Christina In Wonderland said...

I've never seen any vehicle with this bumper sticker. Probably because no guy around here is dumb enough to drive around in a vehicle that has one. Lol.

Michelle said...


If I bought my husband this sticker, he would put it straight in the trash! Ha ha ha.

Arnetta Green said...

I can imagine the manfriend getting one of these if (when) we get married. But not because I'm a super possessive, domineering, insecure, abusive girlfriend. Well...I'm not saying that I am. I'm not. I'm just saying, he would get it because he's madly in love with me. :)

Angelia Sims said...

Maybe they didn't have one that said I <3 My car. So he named his car WIFE and Voila!

He really loves his CAR see- you said it was slick! Now that is slick thinking! LOL.