testing, 1-2-3 testing!

There’s a weird dynamic ‘round my workplace. I’ve seen and heard things and wonder if these situations are customary in the workplace. Of course, I expect a little explicit banter back and forth on occasion; we’re human, right? However, finding an empty box of condoms in your desk drawer, isn’t this a bit far? And, hearing how one employee likes to “bang prostitutes raw dog” isn’t quite the good morning greeting I anticipated in my adulthood. Either way, let me get on with it…

My co-worker and I have a tendency to share magazines with one another and this week I was given a Victoria’s Secret Christmas 2009 magazine. My bosses eyeball’s bulged when he caught a glimpse of the mag in my top drawer and that was all she wrote; he’s been in a tizzy since the magazine’s arrival on Monday. After skimming the pages, he suggested we make a purchase to wear to work. How completely inappropriate, right? We’re so jaded by his perv-y behavior and everything else going on around here it was no big deal. Supposedly, this idea of his is to bring in customers and is a ha-ha joke. In my opinion, it’s creepy as shit! I retorted he should have the men working in the warehouse wear the unmentionables to work since they have the most interaction with customers. Conversation ended.

Now, fast forward to today, Thursday, he decides he needs some time with the magazine, you know, to get a good look. Here I come, wandering back to my desk from God knows where, and he asks, “Have you ever considered modeling”, to which I said, “No”, and yes, I saw him flipping pages of the Vic’s mag. In turn, he tells me it seems the long and lean body type is preferred although he’s “not a fan, but then again never tried it”. I was violently barfing on the inside. Somehow, this turned into a conversation of his favorite body type; short. Conversely, most women he’s been with have been taller than him, in heels. He also shared how his wife doesn’t wear stilettos, but she does have a few pairs of heels. Not only does his wife have shoes, like most women, she has really large feet, he tells me. In fact, she has feet so large he can wear her shoes! My mind raced to the character Peggy Hill from the TV show King of the Hill. So not only am I laughing hysterically at the thought of my boss’ wife being Peggy Hill, I’m also imagining my boss strutting around his house in heels.

Did I really need to know/picture this? I'll never see my boss in the same way ;)