Thursday, November 12, 2009

A How-To on Hooking a Hottie

Online, I see ads about getting “ripped in four weeks” and am outright amazed and feverishly plotting my debut onto the dating scene, which I will now have to tack on an additional month. I graciously thank the Lord for my patience.

These days, who needs Rohypnol to get a date!? Here’s the real deal, step-by-step:
  • Find member of desired sex, meeting personality & height qualifications- looks inconsequential.

  • Chat up & win over with your absolute charm.

  • Initiate date.

  • Borrow Voodoo books from local library and/or learn hypnotism.

  • Begin slipping herbs into beverages and/or foods.

  • Keep using Voodoo/hypnotism for weeks 1 & 2.

  • Slowly introduce relationship to friends & family by mid-week 3.

  • Totally infatuated “RIPPED” arm candy by week 4.


OmegaRadium said...

*note to self: Don't eat food cooked by a woman I wouldn't want to find myself inexplicabbly married to one day.* :P

ScoMan said...

See now there's the problem.

I was using this old "Snake Charmer" guide when all the while I was after Voodoo. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.

Steph said...

@JJ and Scott: Now you know what to watch for! Seriously, though...the ridiculousness of advertising. I wanna know what ppl really fall for these wonder products.