100% Out of The Loop

A certain somebody has mentioned I have "strolled in" during crisis :) Welp, let me set the record straight to half-assedly defend my whereabouts.

Am I still lugging that pretty diamond on my bony, brown finger? -No.
Does sleeping on The Moms' couch blow? -Yes.
Do I feel sad? -Yes.
Am I in crisis? -Hardly!

If I were truly blogging in crisis, I would've been typing up a storm last August when I did not get hired anywhere, when I had no idea how I'd ever pay anything, when people started taking things away, like my car, when I continually questioned when or if a date would be set. Oh my god, talk about the pits and I don't think I've ever been so sad in my life.

Gosh, things were shit.

But here's some news...hold onto your hat, okay?

I did NOT have internet when living with The Former (how I forgot my password). Swear it! I think I was the only 30 year old American with a permanent residence, without. Really. I had the lady at ATT in hysterics when I explained I had no internet or cable, not even a converter box to watch local channels.

Thank you for coming back!!! Catch me up.

Quick Run Down of SB 2010

Heavens to Betsy, I’ve got some new friends and am truly excited about our budding relationship!

AND

A few men folk around the place; Unheard of and magnificent considering I spend so much time blogging about men!

Thank you and welcome.

Now, let’s get down to biz.

I’m on Spring Break and it flippin’ blows! I should be happy for a break and don’t mean to bitch, but at 28 it’s not like I’ve got a friends rallying to hang out during the day. I mean, really, they’re respectable adults with jobs. I will have to rework the Spring Break attitude for next year.

To break up the monotony of the day I head to the dollar movie theater, but found the line incredibly long and snaking. What else was I to do other than drive to Dallas for nachos at Tin Star, and more importantly a little…retail therapy? The shopping wasn’t consciously planned, y’all. Stuff happens.

I went to Urban Outfitters because I love their dresses. Oh shit, this is where I lose the fellas…dang! Quick and painless, I promise.

I bought a rad Aries necklace. See, astrological necklaces are a dime a dozen, but I found this particular piece oh so awesome because it has the constellation…SCORE!



Then, I was on a roll. I went to another Urban Outfitters about 2 miles away. Guess what happened?

FYI: Your friend Steph has a thing for purple these days and an undying love for strapless dresses and again, kickball is cancelled because it love to rain in Texas on Tuesdays..


Okay, the pics aren't great, but I never claimed to be a photographer :P

....really...

I don’t expect all to subscribe to my personal set of ethics, but god damn!

*Note:

It's always best, in the heat of the moment, to think prior to acting...just saying 'cause you might send a Facebook message you can't take back and then whatcha gonna do? :/

Just Like Britney, Ooops!

I went back to where I didn’t want to go; the country.

Just what does that mean you ask? Well, there’s this guy, who for all intents and purposes I will refer to as PC, as in Pure Country, and well, he lives in the country, hence the moniker. He’s been in the picture for awhile, becoming a more dominant figure around the holidays, but I’ve opted to keep this to myself.

PC is completely “Mr. Wrong” for a number of reasons, annoying as all heck yet somewhat comical. I vowed I’d stop venturing beyond the city limit sign…

My bestie, The N, said she learned from Sex & the City, PC is the type of guy you let go of for the next girl to enjoy. I would, but I’m greedy.

Here’s how it all went down:

I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks and had been on some dates with other guys, which made me decide to put dating on hold altogether causing me to think I wasn’t going to date, but rather focus on all the mumbo jumbo I’ve got going on, but naturally I retrogressed. Surely, you already knew this was going to happen.

As I was leaving work, I received a text from PC, a stupid, annoying text that pissed me off, especially since Parking-Lot-Blow-Job had text-ed just a few days prior. I thought, “Why are these jerk-offs bugging me?” And then I thought some more and this is where I fluffed up- PC is a jerk, but a familiar jerk; a sexy, familiar jerk.

Sexting ensued.

I found myself back at his house, sitting on his couch, drinking from the same bottle of wine I’d left over there weeks ago, smoking Marlboro cigarettes and eating pizza, while he was beside me, massaging my feet, watching some crap sitcom and continuously glancing at me, making his stupid disbelief faces because I wasn’t laughing at the show. Oh, I hate his stupid scrunched up faces!

Clearly, separation hadn’t thrown off our typical routine.

piss

Today is Monday and I don’t know what to do with myself. With so much to look forward to, I was feeling pretty good and antsy about this week:

Monday: Regular school day, mac n’ cheese in the cafeteria, and 1 month closer to finishing my residency.
Tuesday: Very busy carrying out plans in the classroom and staying for after school tutoring.
Wednesday: Dinner with weekend man number two.
Thursday: Sleeping in, enjoyable breakfast, and spending the day at the university. Night outing is a total possibility.
Friday: 1st grade field trip, Dallas Burlesque Festival with the birthday girl mentioned in this post and those A sisters.
Saturday: Baby shower and whatever the hell else I feel like doing!
Sunday: Continuation of whatever the hell else I feel like doing!

Yeah, sounds good, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought until I ventured to the other side of the school to discuss the upcoming field trip. See, this isn’t just any old field trip; it’s The Field Trip of field trips! It’s the flipping Ft. Worth Stock Show! And, this lady fucking forgot about me tagging along, but says I should still be able to go since I’m faculty. Man, I hope this pans out because I’ve had my little chocolate heart set on this trip. I mean it’s the stock show for Christ’s sake; do you know what that means to me? I’ve already told you folks I want a stinking brown cow. I looove livestock! I also love those little first graders. Boo Hoo!

On the upside, ‘cause there always is one…

You already know, or are in the process of figuring out I’m a bit spaztastic. You long timers know how I feel about the Baskin Robbins Ice Cream & Cake commercial and how I think it’s the greatest. Welp y’all, they’ve got a Valentine’s edition.

BEHOLD, loves!

Asking For Forgiveness In Advance

How, how, how in the dickens am I supposed to teach The Texas Revolution tomorrow with minimal knowledge of Texas history? Social studies hasn’t been a priority all year and I’m supposed to jump right in with a wealth of knowledge? Fuck, I’m done. Jeepers, sorry for the dirty word. No, not really…you’ll live. Uh, on the upside, the cold eased up a bit and I managed to drag my ass to work this morning.

Speaking of work, today was definitely colorful. While taking the kiddies to the lunchroom, I had a boy say, “Ms. So and So, what’s masturbate mean?” Easily caught of guard, what could I do other than laugh and tell him knows what the word means, it's completely inappropriate to discuss at school and that’s something he needs to do in the privacy of his home, not school.

About thirty minutes later I had another student, a girl, tell me her “privacy” hurt and I was like, “Your what!?”

“Ms. So and So, my privacy hurts.” Holy hell, what do you say to that!? I asked the kid if she had to use the restroom, while trying to think up all the reasons my own crotch would hurt. After securing some privacy, I managed to find out her mom says she needs cranberry juice. Okay, okay, clear picture.

I don’t know what has contributed to my piss poor moods lately. The sickness, the kids, the TX history, the traffic, the food, the weather, the living situation, the oil change I keep putting off, the restlessness, the money, the uncertainty, the love life, the habits, the unpacked boxes…It’s a little everything, I suppose. I really need to start taking my medicine regularly because I’m not used to feeling this shitty. Stop!

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my little rant of the day. Look forward to tomorrow’s Love Horror: Part III.