Me: "Hey, what's my favorite restaurant?"

Mom: "Are you on one of those lonely girl sites again?"


....Just tryna answer my bank security question

I Do What I Wanna Do & Your Reading Comprehension Sux Delux

In regards to a prior post

Anonymous said...
you're a creep for posting this stuff. how mean of you.

December 31, 2009 1:14 PM

image courtesy of
found.com

Dearest Anonymous,
It’s in no way nice to name call therefore you aren’t very nice either :/

-Steph

AND on a more positive note, check out StSaint's Relationships Blog Carnival where you can read yours truly and some other fun stuff!

Find the Red Flags!

Feast your eyes on these snippets from the online dating site I recently joined..Bear in mind, these are the gentlemens' first impression!

NO GAMES! I am a professional African-American MAN (certainly not on the fence, not "metro" or "homo" sexual. I am not consumed by material things, however, I do have a shoe fetish and love nice suits... Is this a possible "homo"phobe or is he just a real "man's man"? And, a shoe fetish *puh-lease, brother.

Throwing it all out, no secrets - married twice, divorced twice. 3 beautiful kids, I have a 9 yr old son and 15 year old daughter from my 1st marriage. I have a soon to be 3 yr old son from my las... Glad that 2nd divorce came through, guy!

Continued favorite things: Levi's 569 Loose Fit Jeans 32x34 (I buy them like they're going out of style, which as far as I'm concerned, never will, I love bidding for them on Ebay, so don't be poachin...Um, seriously?

WELL, SOMEONE WHO ISN'T ON PAROLE FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER, SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T TAKE VALIUM LIKE IT'S A PEZ DISPENSER, AND SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A 'SOONER'! I MEAN, YUK!! In closing, I like someone who kno...The dating pool has just thinned significantly.

Yes, I'm single and Yes, I'm looking. I worship romance and seduction, I can be extremely flirtatious and know how to please, excite and tease. I'm a lover that is a harmonious soul who adores love, I'm also a worshiper of romance & seduction, but I'm gonna sit this one out.

Behold my future:

Keeping the faith I'll one day be someones LaFawnda,
Steph

Laugh, Cry, or Run?

After work, I slipped into Nordstrom to try on UGGs, or Yeti shoes. My knock offs are ugly, but such the bomb, it was a necessary.

I tried the classic tall and then the argyle to be on the safe side since I have sticks for legs and the argyle provides a bit of elastic at the top.

Now, before you stop reading…cool your jets- this isn’t a girly shopping story!

I had one style of shoe on the right and another style on the left, pants folded up for a full view. I was torn and told the sales associate so. Sales associate decides to ask another customer she’s helping for her opinion on my boot situation.

“I don’t like either one of ‘em…The don’t do nothing for you. You need some support. I can tell your feet are crooked. You’re flat footed, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You got flat feet, you walk on the insides of your feet, too, don’t you? You need to get in some corrective shoes like your momma used to put you in. Mine used to make me wear them, but I wanted to wear shoes like the other kids and quit wearing them. Ibet that’s what you did, too. Now, I can’t hardly get out of the house some days. You need to get your feet fixed while you’re young. I’m too old.”

I was so stunned at how this old lady called me out, I couldn’t even open my mouth to respond. Not only did I get called out by some random in Nordstrom, she insisted I should be wearing corrective shoes AND it’s a Friday evening, meaning the store was packed!

Total humiliation. I must’ve turned ten shades of red and put the mightiest of pit stains in my sweater.

I Could Look Better :/

There I was sitting at my desk, surfing the web, fake rat in hand when some young sap walked into my office, confused about which door to enter. He began with some sort of spiel about Gold’s Gym, working out, trial memberships, blah, blah, blah. I told the fella, I wasn’t interested in a membership, but thanks. -You gotta give it to these door to door folks. This is something I could never do in a million years; I don’t have the fortitude. My tail would remain permanently fixed between my legs- THEN he started telling how I could look better and didn’t I want to look better!? “I already look good”, was my response. By the way, this jerk was wearing white dress shoes.

Ah, and this reminded of a situation that played out four or so years ago…with another Gold’s Gym person.

I was working another shitty customer service job, had recently called things off with a young man I had previously agreed to marry and for some reason decided I should date around, keeping an open mind. I hate dating.

There was this rumor going around at the time and for all I know could still be buzzing around; someone(s) claimed I have “commitment issues”. Yeah, Mom was in on it, too. Let me clarify things, not that justification is needed. I’m willing to bend and have a high tolerance, but I can only do/handle so much before I have to bounce. The committing isn’t the problem, it’s compatibility.

Anyway, like I was trying to say until I got side tracked by one of my hot button issues :)

There was this Gold’s Gym promo guy buzzing around my office and somehow, he suckered me into a date, although I’m not the biggest fan of red heads. Remember, I was being open-minded!
The putz didn’t even pick me up; instead, I met him at this house to watch a movie. Mind you, this was when I was still naïve in thinking watching a movie was, well, watching a movie. How was I supposed to know “watching a movie” translates into “you’re gonna come over and I’m going to ravage you like the hot piece of ass you are”? None of this went on, so let’s move on.

At his house, he proceeded to impress me with his H2O consumption. Yeah, one of those, “I drink 50 gallons of water a day, cook solely on the Foreman and don’t eat past 7 PM” dick heads. Needless to say, he had no Pepsi on hand.

To make a long story short, I spent the evening sitting on the most uncomfortable couch ever, watching a lousy movie, bottle of water in hand. This is was first and final date.

I am thankful this translation wasn't necessary for this one and there is no point to this story, except that I could look better....