Onto the Next One

July '10 was Eureka Springs, AR and Branson, MO with a little Choctaw(!) gambling to and fro. The subsequent trip, NYC late October '10, was scary at fist. Especially with the warning signing posted about the subway cars:

My brain was consumed with bed bug possibilities.

There were other "scary" events taking place within the subway

I offered zero dollars considering I had none to my name.

I'm always a little happy to see a bit of street performance...nonexistent in my neck of the woods unless you count the juggler hanging around Cowboys' Stadium.

And now for the thinly sliced meat of this post. While fretting over possible bed bugs at the sketch hostel we slept in, trying my damnedest to stay warm and musing over why there's a great love for Tyler Perry's movies, I made a little time to visit my uncle. I hadn't seen him in a few years and some of his work was on display in some hotel. And, duh, of course we stopped to check out what he's been up to. As any niece would do I got out my camera to aim and shoot a picture. HOLY MOLY!

I hear the words, "I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN", see a laptop slam shut, and then a flash of brown appear right in my sweet face. Apparent Lobby Looney Tune thought I was snapping his picture and proceeded to loudly school me on "this day in age with Facebook and all and taking pictures of people..." I thought this man was going to hit me. I assured him I had no interest in taking his picture and surely was not going to paste his mug on my Facebook. He insisted I hang over my camera.                   -Uh, no.

I didn't particularly like NYC. It was cold, fast, big and kind of lonely feeling. I did eat two damn fine bagel egg sandwiches which were consolation.

All I can say is thank god I lit that candle, even if I didn't donate, because I know my actions saved me from getting my lights knocked out by a man and that my friends would've topped the Arkansas bed bugs!

Haunting

An event from while I was away:

Latest Bed Bug Reports in Eureka Springs, AR  (Slightly Annotated)

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2010-09-26 14:28:32
Basin Park Magnuson Grand
Eureka Springs, AR

Greeted by less than friendly staff, we were still excited to stay at the seemingly charm filled (supposedly haunted) Basin Park Hotel during our Fourth of July holiday. Yes, we had to park a great distance & the water was tricky (burn or freeze), but this was understandable considering the age of the building (1905). Nonetheless, our Fourth of July weekend was great... until we arrived home, itchy. Very itchy.  (imagine feverish and uncomfortable, hot, burning flesh)

We arrived home Monday night, itchy as I said. Tuesday morning, working at my desk, I had to stealthily lift my blouse to see what causing much discomfort. Apparently I must be a very tasty (yummy) lady! I received over 100 bites, easily! My lucky husband suffered about 12 bites. Our bites were about the chest, back and pelvic region. It truly is an ugly situation we're still scratching through exactly one week later.

Clearly, the bed bugs must be old news to the staff at the hotel considering the amount of bites- this is no recent infestation. Fortunately after (his mom claiming to be me had) many go round with management, we were credited the amount we paid for our 2 night stay. We won't be returning. On the upside of things, despite the bug experience, our bed was supremely comfortable...best rest we've had in awhile! (A genuine baby making town. Oh, and I saw a fox!)

Feelin' & lookin' like a real scuzz bucket

Just Wait

It's only a matter of time. Illness is a given when you're teaching. You are bound to get some sort of funky cold until you've "built-up" a germ-y resilience to the precious little creeps.

My darlings are hard fucking core.

Last week lice, ring worm this week.

Fun-ness

I guess you could say, if you really wanted to, Facebook has had an interesting effect on our lives, yeah?


Okay, so like most, I’ve reconnected with friends from as early as my elementary school days back in Mingo Junction, erroneously "friended" men while still in the "getting to know phase", appeared in various embarrassing pics, met a brother and sister after 28 years of living and then a cousin, ran across the former best lay of my lifetime, the person I’ve shared the MOST embarrassing moment of my life with, which has caused me to never think of BBQ tongs and a flashlight in the same way, and then this guy:
Through all that reconnection stuff, I pleasantly bumped into this old junior high chum, which spurred a partner to attend Southlake's Art in the Square.

No, my main purpose for attendance had absolutely nothing to do with modern art, it was all about the frozen bellini, which by the way was totally rad although I think it significantly contributed to a slight case of the poopsies.

While at Art in the Square I saw heaps of art, dancing kids, listened to Rastafarian type-hippy looking singers and the world's worst story-teller, played with an iPad, spun a wheel & won a voucher for a large pizza and took in strange events including a hot make out session and a couple walking their...birds.

Take a peek, Friends:

The Dating Winds Down

This past week I averaged about 2.1 dates.

Date #1
He’s new to the area. We’ve been corresponding for a few weeks and finally met. Like usual, there were no special sparks working me into a tizzy. In fact, he was shorter than advertised with a round, bald spot smack in the middle of the back of his head. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have my pitfalls as well, especially since I quit taking my birth control and have little pimples sporadically sprouting. I’m merely emphasizing the lack of attraction I felt for this guy. And, Lord knows, I’m totally sick of guys misrepresenting their height, unless I’m like 5’9 and have no idea and I’m the one exaggerating my size.

Needless to say, another no go, but hey(!) there weren’t any weird revelations or unwanted advances, so I must say the meeting went well.

Date #2
Another Dallas newbie and shorty, but at least I wasn’t taller this time around. I was way more casually dressed than he, but oh well; I was suckered by his attractiveness. Initially the conversation was like pulling teeth. He wasn’t divulging much and for Pete’s sake a girl needs something to work with in order to make conversation. I took a little pity because he did seem incredibly nervous.

After awhile the mood lightened and all was okay. The date ended and I respectfully went home after a hot lip lock to get ready for another date which didn’t happen because I got a terrible sinus headache on my way home. Meh.

Oh, and this one also followed up with the message that goes a long way, like the prior week’s #4.

Date #.1
You’re wondering what’s up with the .1, right? I had to cut things short. I’ll tell you later. I’m sure you can imagine things were fairly fucked.

Date #4 of the Week

I came home from Saturday night’s date, kicked back with my What A Burger taquitos and chatted up ScoMan on Facebook. After telling him how my night went down, he said something along the lines of he’s happy for me as a friend, but bored as a reader, so let me warn you, this may be boring.

Dating 4 different dudes in a week is exhausting.

I was somewhat excited to go out with this guy. He looked like Gym (yes, another made up name. One of The Moms came up with the moniker), only taller. Lord, I love men around my height, but the option of heels is always nice to have which isn’t quite possible if he’s 5’7 or 5’8. It seems like there’s always some sort of trade off; either the man is a total hot bod with a receding hairline or has a full, thick head of hair and a less than amazing body. Why can’t I find a happy medium!? Anyway, I’m losing you; let me get back to it.

Ok yeah, he’s cute and super, duper flipping polite. I was completely prepared for the worst, had my wall up and he ending up being a nice guy. Totally has his date etiquette in order. What the hell, right? Talked a whole lot, he actually rang me, instead of texting everything, opened doors, gave his sweater, walked on the proper side of me, didn’t attempt to ram his tongue down my throat/“mug down”, and here’s the kicker. Get ready, Friends…He sent a text asking if I made it home o.k.

The text did it for me; SOLD!

Seriously, I didn’t know how to act. Then, I felt kind of f’ed up because I’m thinking how I’ve been looking forward to a normal, decent date and then BANG! it happens and I become a clueless, silent, mess of a nerd.

I’ve become incredibly accustomed to handling myself in socially awkward situations. Isn’t this a sad state of affairs!? I gotta tell y’all, I’m tired.

P.S.

I'm not counting on any second dates with this one.

And, we watched Alice in Wonderland. I say, not

the greatest of movies, but visually awesome.

Got the image from Google.com

Interactive Thursday...That Means You!

*Back Story*This is a msg. exchange via Facebook. There’s a long standing drama I have no part of, want no part in, and don't even discuss, but somehow my friend, “Pam” keeps trying to drag me into the mess. I want no part of this. I dodge dramatics at all costs, but I don’t know what to do with this woman. I mean seriously, at this age!? This is worse than the 4th graders I spend my days with. (BTW these names are bullshit)

I never post this sort of crap, it's just I'm at my wits end. I feel almost guilty and uncomfortable putting this out there, but gee whiz! Oh, and the msgs below came on the heels of my EX randomly calling me up to tell me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore out of "self preservation" and blah, blah, blah bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I can sort of understand his point, but really? I found the whole thing completely inappropriate.

So, here’s where the interactive part comes into play…what would you do?

Pam 08 February at 19:43
favor....i don't know if you are planning on attending george’s party on the 13th (or if you have even heard about it - its in the eve after my big bad b-day bbq) but i am not going (though i think i responded "yes" when drunk the other night). i just don't want the drama, which brings me to the favor.... if you are planning on going, could you please just not talk to me about it? especially that day? i know i bring up the joe/annie situation sometimes (when something notable happens), but ultimately i don't want to hear about it (especially on my b-day)...thanks bud.

Pam 25 February at 09:01
no drama, just honest communication...are you planning on associating with annie (outside of facebook?)...i ask for one reason only. if she is going to be at events you plan, i would want to know ahead of time (in the same way you might want to know if i invited you to a party and someone like...calvin...was going to be there)...No drama about it, i just wouldn't come. That is how tired of the drama i truly am. Well, that and she really did hurt me stephanie. I never said her girlfriend was charles manson - I only said the behavior was out of line. And annie spun it like I was insane and had made up some wild story. The whole thing was (and still is) very, very hurtful. I am "over it", but it is always going to hurt and that isn't drama, its just honesty. Anyway, I'd just like to know one way or the other so I can adjust accordingly (all that means is I'm not going to be anywhere she is).

Steph 25 February at 18:06
Nonsense. I wasn't even going to bother with a reply, like george's party, but here goes:

I've known you for about 10 years or so. I, for one, would never imagine you'd invite calvin to a party (or whatever) but if you did..I would imagine that YOU, as my FRIEND, would have enough RESPECT for ME that you would give me a HEADS UP.

I don't know what you think about me as a person. Clearly, not much.

On the upside, there are no worries, because I haven't planned any events, nor do I plan on planning any events. Furthermore, it's very rare you'd take my calls if there was such an event to attend, especially since you have a "screening process".

With that said, I think we're in the clear.

I could be wrong, but I'm just going to assume this is the drama you mentioned with Kent and Facebook yesterday. Whether it is or not, just for the record I have too much going on to worry myself with these sorts of issues. Please leave me out of these future discussions/communications because I will no longer respond to this sort of stuff.

Steph 25 February at 18:07
and if you're tired of drama, you shouldn't feed into it.

I'm just saying...

Fe2 + O2 = Fe2O3 + heat FAIL!

To answer a question unanimously asked, yes, things really are as bleak as they appear. Clearly there hasn’t been any sort of substantial connection, this is all honesty; copied and pasted for your delight.

Now granted, there have been a few slight sparks I saved for myself and calling them sparks is by far a stretch, but I was holding out hope :/ Gosh, what’s smaller than a spark? Perhaps I can refer to these smaller than sparks as random pieces of flint happening into my lap without a piece of steel to get things sparking? Oh, for the love of science and survival skill!

So yeah, there was a date and again, this whole date thing is a stretch. The sap was late and had the nerve to show up with a friend. I had just finished quickly gulping a pineapple drink, signed my drink receipt and was about to hit the pavement when this lad shows up. (and, Lad is what I shall refer to him as since he reminded of just that, a boy)

*Side note: Remember Barf Boy wanted me to meet up with him and his friend? Is this some sort of trend I’m unfamiliar with? Aren’t we adults? Can adults not meet and hang out without a friend in tow? I hate dating and the very idea of it!
To my surprise, bringing the friend along was a great idea considering the friend was full of spunk and conversation, just like I like. On the other hand, friend is married and yuck on that!

Lad, although easy on the eyes, fell flat on the ears since he wasn’t much of a talker. He repeatedly told me I was much hotter than he imagined and 10 times skinnier. These two statements were on repeat. Yes, I'm cute and yes, I'm on the smaller side...I think most women want to hear this, but when it's all you ever hear it's not much of a compliment. I’d like to think I have the teeniest of tiniest bit of substance worth some sort of acknowledgement. Ugh.

All in all, I don't see this going anywhere worth mentioning.

Laugh, Cry, or Run?

After work, I slipped into Nordstrom to try on UGGs, or Yeti shoes. My knock offs are ugly, but such the bomb, it was a necessary.

I tried the classic tall and then the argyle to be on the safe side since I have sticks for legs and the argyle provides a bit of elastic at the top.

Now, before you stop reading…cool your jets- this isn’t a girly shopping story!

I had one style of shoe on the right and another style on the left, pants folded up for a full view. I was torn and told the sales associate so. Sales associate decides to ask another customer she’s helping for her opinion on my boot situation.

“I don’t like either one of ‘em…The don’t do nothing for you. You need some support. I can tell your feet are crooked. You’re flat footed, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You got flat feet, you walk on the insides of your feet, too, don’t you? You need to get in some corrective shoes like your momma used to put you in. Mine used to make me wear them, but I wanted to wear shoes like the other kids and quit wearing them. Ibet that’s what you did, too. Now, I can’t hardly get out of the house some days. You need to get your feet fixed while you’re young. I’m too old.”

I was so stunned at how this old lady called me out, I couldn’t even open my mouth to respond. Not only did I get called out by some random in Nordstrom, she insisted I should be wearing corrective shoes AND it’s a Friday evening, meaning the store was packed!

Total humiliation. I must’ve turned ten shades of red and put the mightiest of pit stains in my sweater.

sickening

I realized recently, but just recently really realized what a complete and total ass I've been making of myself. I am EMBARRASSED and then some. I wish I could go into hiding, but it's not really necessary because, well, the one I want to hide from wouldn't know any different.

I feel so stupid, I'm off to drown myself in pumpkin pie filling.

I feel like the Thanksgiving asshole.... if there is such a thing (this really has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, I'm just blabbering)

I feel so, so stupid.

testing, 1-2-3 testing!

There’s a weird dynamic ‘round my workplace. I’ve seen and heard things and wonder if these situations are customary in the workplace. Of course, I expect a little explicit banter back and forth on occasion; we’re human, right? However, finding an empty box of condoms in your desk drawer, isn’t this a bit far? And, hearing how one employee likes to “bang prostitutes raw dog” isn’t quite the good morning greeting I anticipated in my adulthood. Either way, let me get on with it…

My co-worker and I have a tendency to share magazines with one another and this week I was given a Victoria’s Secret Christmas 2009 magazine. My bosses eyeball’s bulged when he caught a glimpse of the mag in my top drawer and that was all she wrote; he’s been in a tizzy since the magazine’s arrival on Monday. After skimming the pages, he suggested we make a purchase to wear to work. How completely inappropriate, right? We’re so jaded by his perv-y behavior and everything else going on around here it was no big deal. Supposedly, this idea of his is to bring in customers and is a ha-ha joke. In my opinion, it’s creepy as shit! I retorted he should have the men working in the warehouse wear the unmentionables to work since they have the most interaction with customers. Conversation ended.

Now, fast forward to today, Thursday, he decides he needs some time with the magazine, you know, to get a good look. Here I come, wandering back to my desk from God knows where, and he asks, “Have you ever considered modeling”, to which I said, “No”, and yes, I saw him flipping pages of the Vic’s mag. In turn, he tells me it seems the long and lean body type is preferred although he’s “not a fan, but then again never tried it”. I was violently barfing on the inside. Somehow, this turned into a conversation of his favorite body type; short. Conversely, most women he’s been with have been taller than him, in heels. He also shared how his wife doesn’t wear stilettos, but she does have a few pairs of heels. Not only does his wife have shoes, like most women, she has really large feet, he tells me. In fact, she has feet so large he can wear her shoes! My mind raced to the character Peggy Hill from the TV show King of the Hill. So not only am I laughing hysterically at the thought of my boss’ wife being Peggy Hill, I’m also imagining my boss strutting around his house in heels.

Did I really need to know/picture this? I'll never see my boss in the same way ;)