Lowered Expectations?

I had to find/add this vid after reading (funny)Arnetta's comment on the previous post, The Tale of Tea Bag:

Serious, guys, I'm beginning to think the 2nd site I signed up for is some sort of sex site. This evening, I got yet another request for some boo-tay from another picture -less, married, forty year old.

I don't have the patience to ride this one out. Between the outright weirdos and wife cheating sex fiends, I just don't have it in me. LOL Must be slim pickin's during the holiday season- that's what I'm going to tell myself- Remember, keeping the faith?

Okay, so instead of posting another married dude's pathetic quest for poon, you can read this little gem that came my way this afternoon:

In short, I was just strolling through BLAHBLAHBLAH basically minding my own business, when i slipped on those stairs - tumbled down, i grabbed a tablecloth for some reason pulling hummus and tortilla soup down upon me.. I looked up from my embarrassing position, wiping soup from my eyes - and there was this smiling profile picture looking back at me. Above the picture it said: ohmysteph. And I thought to myself - wow this is fortunate, this young lady seems awesome... But what should i write to her...My name is ********.How are you today?

After a smidge of self reflection, Mr. Rico Suave recanted his statement in another message sent roughly 3 hours later:

dangit that sounded kinda lame-o huh?I try and invent these literary non-sequitors when i really want to grab a gal's attention. A good strategy perhaps - but high probability to fall flat.. When I went back and reread this one in particular i'm not liking the way it sits on the ears... Anyhow..

I'm calling it quits for a while. I know I'm getting worn out....don't wanna bore y'all to death with my sad bunch of unsuitable suitors.

Stephanie

A How-To on Hooking a Hottie

Online, I see ads about getting “ripped in four weeks” and am outright amazed and feverishly plotting my debut onto the dating scene, which I will now have to tack on an additional month. I graciously thank the Lord for my patience.

These days, who needs Rohypnol to get a date!? Here’s the real deal, step-by-step:

• Find member of desired sex, meeting personality & height qualifications- looks inconsequential.


• Chat up & win over with your absolute charm.


• Initiate date.


• Borrow Voodoo books from local library and/or learn hypnotism.


• Begin slipping herbs into beverages and/or foods.


• Keep using Voodoo/hypnotism for weeks 1 & 2.


• Slowly introduce relationship to friends & family by mid-week 3.


• Totally infatuated “RIPPED” arm candy by week 4.