secret ops

.A new http://www.whateveryoucallthis is in order

Seriously though, I have to figure out Blogger's changes (I'm so technologically idiotic). Between report cards, dinner and planning I've fuddled around a bit, but bleh...

A virtual move that will align with my actual move is sounding really good, yes!

The Moms' is temporary. So is this place. It's not me anymore. Well, some if it isn't. ...I think? Okay, who in the hell am I kidding?

I don't want to be found.

Me: "Hey, what's my favorite restaurant?"

Mom: "Are you on one of those lonely girl sites again?"


....Just tryna answer my bank security question

100% Out of The Loop

A certain somebody has mentioned I have "strolled in" during crisis :) Welp, let me set the record straight to half-assedly defend my whereabouts.

Am I still lugging that pretty diamond on my bony, brown finger? -No.
Does sleeping on The Moms' couch blow? -Yes.
Do I feel sad? -Yes.
Am I in crisis? -Hardly!

If I were truly blogging in crisis, I would've been typing up a storm last August when I did not get hired anywhere, when I had no idea how I'd ever pay anything, when people started taking things away, like my car, when I continually questioned when or if a date would be set. Oh my god, talk about the pits and I don't think I've ever been so sad in my life.

Gosh, things were shit.

But here's some news...hold onto your hat, okay?

I did NOT have internet when living with The Former (how I forgot my password). Swear it! I think I was the only 30 year old American with a permanent residence, without. Really. I had the lady at ATT in hysterics when I explained I had no internet or cable, not even a converter box to watch local channels.

Thank you for coming back!!! Catch me up.

Psst!

Yeah, I'm back or at least attempting back. Things have sort of come full circle since I stopped posting or at least I think that's the right term... I have officially returned home to The Moms'. So, did I use the term correctly?

Okay, I'm at The Moms', no longer set to marry, and in school. Holy shit! And, it's the same dang blasted time of year. Yeah, holy shit, how have I managed this? Yes, yes, this is full circle, save for a few minor details. And, the details go as follows:

• Love life is not flourishing or even remotely entertaining. Instead, try depressing/confusing/tiresome/on permanent hold (you pick)
• School is no longer college; it is a full time, contractual teaching job (WHOOP WHOOP!)
• The Moms' is still The Moms', less the younger brother that was living at home.
• I am sleeping on the couch.

The minor details have details of their own. Having gained an ample amount of alone time I share prosper again in this world wide web and fill your eyeballs with the details of the details.

I miss this. I miss you.

bleh, meh, sheh

I'm bummed I have nothing exciting to write about, so I'm just going to go ahead with this anyway.

I feel incredibly frustrated I have no job; not a teaching job, just any old job to get my broke ass through the summer. Life with The Moms has been okay, but I'm ready to bounce. They're major cock blocks...not that the love life has been all that hot to begin with.

By the way, this weekend I was introduced something like so: "This is my friend, Stephanie", which nearly killed me. Well not really killed, just a tad hurt. Why couldn't I be "This is Stephanie", instead of "friend, Stephanie". Thanks, DLC :/

Oh, I'm such a liar, I did have some excitement recently! I had an interview!
I don't know what to make of the situation. It was a pre-screening interview, which will hopefully lead to "the real deal, let's give Steph a job in the fall" sorta thing. Good Lord, one can only hope.

On a sour note, The Mom's are headed to Florida and then cruising to the Bahamas...lucky cock blocks!

igotitigotitigotit!!!!

Who loves ice cream and cake!?

I loves ice cream and cake!

Anyone who has seen me demolish sweets knows the truth; I'm a chunky babe, trapped inside this little, stick-ly brown body. And, anyone who reads this blog or my previous posting place knows I GO INSANE when it comes to that ridiculous Baskin & Robbins commercial.

Friday, school was canceled, I did nothing, absolutely nothing, but lounged around feeling sick, unable to breath through my nose, and disgustingly mouth breathing. Trust me, mouth breathing is not a pretty sight

Anyway, The Moms came home and well, you already know what they brought me!!

could only get the Thanksgiving ed. to work this time :/

Thursday Night

Coming up in a teeny, weeny town situated along the Ohio River, I was no stranger to snow. However, snow and I have been estranged for years. Well, at least what I consider “real snow” because flurries don’t count. Tiny bits of accumulation don’t really equate “real snow” either my fellow Texans.

Yeah, this is snow, but it’s not snow:
Welp, finally got the real deal! About 12 record breaking inches is what they say.








ta-da!

Things Don't Always Go According to Plan

In Watching
Wishing my


Would brush their self!

pics

The Dirty Thirty

My social calendar took a plunge when I moved home with Mom. No, not because everyone suddenly decided I’m a major lame ass and loser for living at home, several factors fell into play keeping me home; the comforts of Mom, sickness, laziness, sleepiness and work. Last night was a different story; there was finally a good dose of partying it up with friends in a surprise celebration for The N’s 30th birthday!

We met at the infamous Rainbow Lounge in Ft. Worth, a local bar catering to the gays. The N got to be center of attention on the dance floor, as she received multiple lap dances from females and males alike. All sorts of vag and penis in the face, pants unfastened with teeth, spinning, gyrating, vibrating, dry humping, basically the whole kit and caboodle. Lucky! I made a video with my cam and it’s pretty bad, but if you turn off your sound and be patient, you can see what I’m talking about:



Now, let’s get down to biznas… Having shared what I dancing fool I am a dance video has been requested multiple times. Well friends, I’ve finally come through. In this vid, I’m standing around a cluster of friends who can’t seem to make it to the dance floor. BOO! on you party poopers! Again, not the greatest of videos, but here’s a tiny glimpse of the terribleness.

Me & The Birthday Babe

God only knows what this is about.

Some fancy, slick moves.

"I have no control over me belt or my leg!", was what I was yelling after I probably made some little fella uncomfortable. I later apologized for being so fresh, but I wouldn't have gotten so fresh if he wasn't looking as uncomfortable as he did. I refuse to take full responsibility for my actions.

I'm like a little devil on his shoulder...Def looking mischievous

This is the whole pants being undone. Thank goodness The N was wearing underpants!

Woot Woot!

I have a thing for puny gays. We made some friendlies.

The lot.

Yeah, nonsmoking Steph was puffing the cigs. Ugh, did I feel like a giant heap of shit this morning when I woke up! At least it wasn't crack or something...Hopefully tonight will be equally as fun & I wish you all a good weekend, too!

Don't forget I'm taking love horrors...vlogs, poems, artwork, stories or whatever you got to give! Viva La Valentine :) send to nottheoxygen@gmail.com

What I Did

My holiday consisted mostly of cookies :/

I’m slightly festive deficient and don’t think there’s been much mention of Christmas ‘round here, if any. Hold on tight, this is the picture heavy post I mentioned a few days ago and it’s ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS! Christmas Eve, north Texas had a wild snow storm! Well, if you wan to get technical, it was pretty weak, but wild by Texas standards. I, Stephanie, lay on the near the fire place, dozing on and off, feeling sickly and watching a marathon of The First 48. I had a number of crumpled tissues in my vicinity. It was an ugly sight. Things went for cold, boring and uncomfortable to pure excitment because silly me temporarily forgot about Novelista Barista's Secret Santa Swap & my present arrived!!

My santa was the generous lady behind StutteringShell.com, Michelle, and let me tell you, she knows how to pick out some gifts! Thank you :D

Christmas morning, Mom woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm was set to strike. I was annoyed, but quickly reminded myself Mom has no little excited babies, plus the Mom’s spent their hard earned cash; I got up and moseyed towards the Christmas tree. Our first falsie ever by the way.

Next up was a 15 minute power nap before my grand exit with ExB. I got to see ICE! at Gaylord Texan. Oh, it is beautiful, so, so beautiful, wondrous, magical, A+ excellent. We also had a great buffet breakfast at the Riverwalk Café located inside of this monster hotel *sigh*

Gaylord Texan- ICE! from Steph on Vimeo.

The Pawn

I’m still at it; scrolling through a sea of duds in the online dating world. Alas, is there an end in sight? An early exit? Time to call it quits?

Nope, haven’t roped one yet.

On the other hand, Ma snagged one for me; a tire changing fella covered in black, greasy smudge by the name of JJ.

I don’t know what she said to talk me up, but claims this phone number transaction was, “based on me; my looks and charming personality”. -This must be where my spurts egotism comes from.

Not only did the old gal try to hook me up with the tire changer, he was also given a glimpse of me via camera phone picture: This is utterly horrible. Not only can I not get a tire changed in the entire vicinity of H.E.B, I can’t shop at Albertson’s, nor can I enter a gas station, for she tries to match make me with these randoms. Mother, I am not a pawn in your grocery store chicken dinner, ham slicing, cigarette buying, tire changing world.

What's New? Nothing.

I noticed how lame things have been around here; a real fucking ghost town, guys. Why hasn’t anyone said something? Ok, ok, I shouldn’t blame y’all, I should take full responsibility for my lack of interesting posts, but not much has been happening. At least nothing happening I wish to relive. The nail salon that doesn’t take credit cards, but doesn’t bother to tell you until you’re already “did”, the discussion of Ambien sex and blow jobs with my two moms (why did I even bother to divulge this information?), saying goodbye to my little grade 1 puppies who harass me about my marital status...I mean really, nothing blog worthy. Plus, my weekend was sort of a bust; no fodder there.

Subsequently, through much suggestion from others and a little hesitation on my part, I joined a dating website. GOD, HELP ME! Now, I’ve relegated myself to searching through horribly executed member profiles chock full of misspelling of words such as “intertaining” and a number of dreadfully selected photographs. The cheesiest being of topless men, bathroom mirror self portraits and the ultimately uber creepy “I’m gonna take a lonely, low grade photo of myself in my bedroom with this here web cam” photos that scream, “psycho killer!”

I have no special expectations. I figure I’ll just wait and see what comes of this new undertaking. I’m not much of a dater and feel mostly socially unacceptable. For example, here is a snippet of a text session from yesterday afternoon:

Internet @ 3:57- “Cupcakes. Milkshakes. Someone’s got a sweet tooth. How do u stay so skinny?”

Steph @ 3:57- “I barf.”

Steph @ 3:58- “I get it from my dad’s side.”

Steph @ 4:01“My dad’s side is thin, not bulimic.”

I was joking, right, but what in the world would cause me to say such a thing to a virtual stranger who is completely unaware of my sense of humor? I’m a lousy flirt; lack charisma, just out right goofy and bizarre. Otherwise, when I’m not making an ass of myself, I clam up, lack all personality and refuse to divulge any information out of fear of my socially unacceptable behavioral patterns, which also doesn’t put me in a good light. I’m doomed. I need to find a good middle ground.

See, I wondered how I manage to attract a plethora of freaks and weirdos, but I now realize it’s entirely my fault. Although I see myself as cute as all heck and fun, I think the Stephanie Vibrations say something else, go from one extreme to the other; spaztastic chat machine or standoffish. So yeah, when I go out and get crunknificent on the dance floor and then wonder why I have an odd bespectacled man following me around the club with a flower he’s fashioned out of a drink napkin I have no one to blame but myself. When I got out and rarely get a second glance while I’m huddled in a corner somewhere, also my fault. I need a self help book, a special sort of companion…something, Lord, please anything!

Fortunately, like I said, my expectations aren’t high. It’s not like I’m trying to get hitched. Hell, I don’t even know what my motives are. A friendship will suffice.

PS
Get your shit together
& enter my give-away.
All you have to do is
scroll down!

Days of The Week

I don't know how it all started, but somehow, back when I was living at home, I randomly came up with names of the week with a fun theme:

Ménage Monday
Tickly Tongue Tuesday
Whack-It Wednesday
Thorough Thrusting Thursday
Fuck Me Friday
Sex ‘Em Up Saturday

Where is Sunday, you ask? Well, I'm not a total jerk! Sunday is a holy day of rest and reflection.

At first, I used these terms to disgust family members and then this whole themed day turned into family joke. See, typically these themed days are said in casual situations with The Fam such as, "I've got to get to get plenty of rest because you know tomorrow is Whack-It Wednesday" or "I'll probably be home late tonight considering it's Fuck Me Friday".

In all seriousness, it may seem kind of out there to say such things to your younger brothers or parents for that matter, but it does bring something to light. Something I'm thankful for. Is this a Thanksgiving post you ask...Oh Yeah!

(I hate this word-blessed, but I'm about to use it anyway) I complain a lot or at least I'm accused of complaining, but deep down, I know I'm a very blessed lady. I have the majority of the things I want, have been successful in many ventures, I think I'm perfectly level headed in many a way and have a family that love, love, loves me. Not only do they love me, but (and this is the part I'm thankful for) we can be and are open with one another. It's such a (here we go again) blessing to be able to discuss all subjects with your parents and family members. Honestly though, we're all human and do human things so what's the big deal!?

I'm thankful knowing if I were to get completely shit faced drunk and reek of a garlic meatloaf sandwich I made thinking it was a good idea, I could pick up the phone and call my mom to come get me. I can also share thoughts and feelings and not worry about the reactions received. I'm sure there have been times or instances where The Fam didn't want to hear or know what I had to say or what I did and fought off the urge to vomit, but it's good I've got them around to listen and be accepting of me.

So there ya go!

I'm In

Deciding to move during Thanksgiving break wasn’t the smartest of smart ideas. Not only was a holiday taking place and I, of course, should’ve been relaxing, I also should’ve been working on multiple papers I must write and submit before December 2. Ugh!

I managed to do mostly everything on my own, until I got to the bigger pieces of furniture, which were moved today. I’ll be damned if buckets of rain didn’t pour down only when my dresser, couch and armoire were being moved. I’ve now decided to junk the couch I once so loved. Surprisingly, I took the weather-y mishap in stride. I must be changing.

Thanksgiving was filling; I spent the morning moving, the remainder of the day at my mom’s and the evening at my aunt’s, where it wasn’t possible to for me to sample any of her dishes thanks to the gluttony at Mom’s.

Friday, I was back to work. assholes. There was absolutely nothing going on in the office and thankfully, I was working a half day. Then, I spent the afternoon maniacally moving, really, really hurting my back in the process. That night, itching to hit the town, I instead took a pill for the pain and passed out on the living room floor watching an uber 90’s movie.

Saturday, I was sort of working on moving, but more so focusing on the crunknificent night I had planned with the girls; a night of boozing it up and dancing to one of our favorite cover bands. Cover band? Yes, you read correctly.

Sunday, well I’ve already told you all about Sunday because Sunday is today. I’m tired to the max and can’t wait to fall asleep knowing I’m going to wake up to find a lunch packed and ready for me to take to work Monday morning. I guess being at home with the folks has its perks although I believe my social calendar will eventually diminish and my already nonexistent love life will take even more of a plunge.

We’ll see what happens next…