100% Out of The Loop

A certain somebody has mentioned I have "strolled in" during crisis :) Welp, let me set the record straight to half-assedly defend my whereabouts.

Am I still lugging that pretty diamond on my bony, brown finger? -No.
Does sleeping on The Moms' couch blow? -Yes.
Do I feel sad? -Yes.
Am I in crisis? -Hardly!

If I were truly blogging in crisis, I would've been typing up a storm last August when I did not get hired anywhere, when I had no idea how I'd ever pay anything, when people started taking things away, like my car, when I continually questioned when or if a date would be set. Oh my god, talk about the pits and I don't think I've ever been so sad in my life.

Gosh, things were shit.

But here's some news...hold onto your hat, okay?

I did NOT have internet when living with The Former (how I forgot my password). Swear it! I think I was the only 30 year old American with a permanent residence, without. Really. I had the lady at ATT in hysterics when I explained I had no internet or cable, not even a converter box to watch local channels.

Thank you for coming back!!! Catch me up.

Psst!

Yeah, I'm back or at least attempting back. Things have sort of come full circle since I stopped posting or at least I think that's the right term... I have officially returned home to The Moms'. So, did I use the term correctly?

Okay, I'm at The Moms', no longer set to marry, and in school. Holy shit! And, it's the same dang blasted time of year. Yeah, holy shit, how have I managed this? Yes, yes, this is full circle, save for a few minor details. And, the details go as follows:

• Love life is not flourishing or even remotely entertaining. Instead, try depressing/confusing/tiresome/on permanent hold (you pick)
• School is no longer college; it is a full time, contractual teaching job (WHOOP WHOOP!)
• The Moms' is still The Moms', less the younger brother that was living at home.
• I am sleeping on the couch.

The minor details have details of their own. Having gained an ample amount of alone time I share prosper again in this world wide web and fill your eyeballs with the details of the details.

I miss this. I miss you.

I'm F-ing Inconsistant *Here's Yet Another Update*

• I, Steph, finally won a give away hosted by Alissa and feel like a total bad ass as a result. However, I lost another contest, an "ugly photo" contest, held by Mel. I guess I should be honored my photo wasn't the worst, but I'm not and to be honest, the winner is much more deserving. I love her ugly mug! -Shout out to the Pro-Steph Voters *WOOT WOOT* :)
• Got a totally rad (and silly) manicure. I typically get phony nails or a French manicure, but not this time around! I got Easter/Birthday nails:

• Had a birthday April 5th, but kind of celebrated on the 3rd @ Pete's Piano in Addison. I complained all last week about having to share the spotlight with Jesus since Easter Sunday fell during Birthday Weekend '10. I can only hope God has a sense of humor.

• Was pulled over by the police for the 2nd time in my 28.99 years while on my way to my university to make a major purchase. Thank you Hurst police for adding to my stress....it's not like I can see my tail light; after all it is behind me. Anyway, my cap and gown has been purchased for graduation and my body is about to shut down in a few weeks. *Graduating Magna Cum Laude bitches* Oh, speaking of bitches I would've been Summa Cum Laude had I not missed one, single, solitary day of class, which lowered my overall grade in that class to a B.
  
• Haven't been on any dates. Yes, my serial dating has come to an end; at least for now. I don't know when or if it's going to pick up again. Gosh, did I really just lose some readers!? I know this is crazy, but I'm still hanging out with DLC. I even ditched the one I was going to hold in my dating queue. Nuts, right?

• Just days away from taking the last test before I can apply to The State Board of Education for teacher certification. I'm a gosh darn wreck, y'all!

Enjoy this short vid-The first stage strutter is a 67 year old lady also celebrating her birth @ Pete's Piano. They paid $100.00 to hear Pussy Control.

Giggle Fits from stephanie on Vimeo.

igotitigotitigotit!!!!

Who loves ice cream and cake!?

I loves ice cream and cake!

Anyone who has seen me demolish sweets knows the truth; I'm a chunky babe, trapped inside this little, stick-ly brown body. And, anyone who reads this blog or my previous posting place knows I GO INSANE when it comes to that ridiculous Baskin & Robbins commercial.

Friday, school was canceled, I did nothing, absolutely nothing, but lounged around feeling sick, unable to breath through my nose, and disgustingly mouth breathing. Trust me, mouth breathing is not a pretty sight

Anyway, The Moms came home and well, you already know what they brought me!!

could only get the Thanksgiving ed. to work this time :/

One Last One!

Ok, so I said I wasn’t going to do it, but I’m going to do it. I’ve got about 1 hour and 15 minutes to kill before Mommy feeds me dinner. I flat out don’t feel like doing shit. (Yes, I live with my dang mother(s). Yes, I have no paying job. And, yes, I have a lingering cold. Yes, I have heaps of work and planning to accomplish. Yes, I’m sick of the god damned winter. Lastly, YES, I’m extremely frustrated and near a state of depression. Whoa, did all that really come out just now? Totally irrelevant info, my apologies.)

*pulling myself back together*

My Facebook friends are already hip to some of this, but there are you that aren’t, so I’ll share since I miss y’all and heaven forbid you forget your Little Ol’ Stephie Poo.

I’ve recently developed horrendous eating habits, which cause me to drive myself to the same gas station every morning for a 20 ounce styrofoam cup of their delicious Coke-A-Cola. (Lately, I’ve upgraded to a 32oz, Ooops! Not so much irrelevant this time around, but embarrassing)

Not only does this particular station have the tastiest fountain Coke, there’s a particular gentleman (a fellow regular customer) I’ve made my “make-believe-boyfriend-that-I-make-love-to-every-morning-with-my-eyes-because-he’s-not-really-my-boyfriend-and-I-can’t-really-touch-him-without-breaking-the-law-and-I’m-not-really-crazy-but-he’s-super-hot-and-I-have-this-strange-feeling-he-is-also-eye-fucking-me-and-probably-one-day-will-want-to-marry-me”. HAA! That’s sick!

Beside soft drinks, I’ve also been known to go for a bit of candy in the morning. One cold as usual morning, I asked the clerk where the Nutty Bars are kept. After he pointed to the assumed location where I happened upon nothing of the sort, I said, “Oh crap. Y’all don’t have Nutty Bars. Man! I really wanted a Nutty Bar this morning”.

The clerk kept saying something and I kept on asking him what he was saying, and finally his voice rose loud enough for me to hear him say, “I said, I’m a little nutty and I get off of work in 37 minutes”.

Fuck.

Now, that’s been a few weeks ago and he’s been fairly normal since; normal until this morning.

I filled my 32 ounce cup full of that delicious Coke and set it on the counter, telling the “nutty” clerk I had to first grab one more item for my snack.

Again, he mumbled words I was unable to hear. Apparently, I “make him naughty and have funny thoughts”, which were brought about by his suggestion of me having a sausage biscuit for breakfast.

Creepy, I know, although hysterically funny when I enter my car and rewind the events. What a freak!

Honestly though, this is the type of guy I attract. His type is wholly why I resorted to online dating. By the way, I’ve given up on the WWW as of yesterday. I will be meeting no one else. At least, I'm not planning on doing so.

Have You Been Looking for Me?

I know I have!

Facebook status update 11/13/09:
ending a relationship, becoming a little sister, returning to the folks’ house, quitting the only job I’ve held for a substantial length of time, finishing up a decade of ed. and trying to beat a dreadfully sore throat in the past 1.5 months has been...exhausting.

At least I'm no longer sick.

I've been trying so, so hard to adjust to all these changes while finishing out this semester. I'm feeling very unsettled and unlike myself. I'm confused. I don't like admitting this either.

2009 has been a doozy and I'm glad there's finally a light at the end of the tunnel. I've said before I'm not one for resolutions and won't be making any for the new year; I'm making resolutions for the heck of it...just because it's such a topsy turvy time and I ought to get it together! I'm being ridic...

I haven't even tried to unpack since I moved over Thanksgiving break. I barely have room to walk through my bedroom nor can I find numerous articles of clothing. This morning, I had to run out to the garage to find shoes to match my outfit. It's a fright, but take a peek anyway: Wow, now this is embarassing and pathetic! Wonder what the cable guy will think when he stops by tomorrow...Perhaps, he'll think this chick belongs on Hoarders, or something. On the upside, my parents pointed out I will have a man in my room! And, that's totally a joke- doubt the AT&T cable man is going to be my type and Lord knows I won't be his type.

Speaking of men and Facebook statuses, I started a frenzy the other day by changing my status to "in a complicated relationship", which people "liked" and also messaged me to find out who I'm dating these days. Since when is a complicated relationship something to like?

Here's why my relationship is complicated:
I live with my mothers who packs my lunch, I'm near 30 and soon to be unemployed. Being a horrible catch is pretty fucking complicated! Luckily, I have a best friend who watches out for me. It's too bad she's looking out for my best interest on CraigsList.com.

Christmas Season is almost upon us & we all know about those ever popular(?) "Office Parties". You know. The one's where we're basically forced to attend. The ones where you make that ever important impression on your Boss and his wife? Don't underestimate the importance of your presence, as well as your appearance at these functions. If you intend to even be considered for that new position in the up coming year, you NEED to be there. AND you need to arrive with a great date. There's no two ways around it ladies. Well let's say you want to go, BUT not alone! Not this year. No way! Not again.

What will you do? Who will YOU call? That's right! The guy on CNN . . . . . . . . . "RENT-a-GENT" ! ! ! !

Imagine arriving with THIS great-looking guy. Being able to converse all night long on countless topics, in the language YOU'D perfer. Being able to drink as much as you'd like and never having to worry about driving away so PLASTERED only to wake up in a cold, over-lit, uncomfortable jail cell because some Cop decided you were weaving all over #635.

PLEASE contact me! I can assist you ladies. The situation is NOT hopeless! Not THIS year! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . www.YOUR-RENT-a-GENT.com . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Location: Texas
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1492335552